Nancy Love’s Weblog

Here is another way to look at how each of us approach the day.  The Sociology of mornings… which of these nine perspectives describes your approach???

Seeking Perfection:  Orientation – Present; Direction – With

You get up in the morning to a finely tuned routine that is timed and planned and consistent.  Throughout the day you look for ways to “tidy” up any messes you encounter, to edit any writing with errors and to remind people of the rules they may not be following.  You, of course know the rules and are happy to follow them. You have found a fashion style that suits you and you stick with it for the most part. You do not mind when others lean on you although you are more likely to be self reliant.  You can be peaceful see a role for standardization in creating peace.  When you are stressed you move away from others and become melancholy and distance, feeling quite sorry for yourself, seeking to differentiate yourself from the world.  When you are comfortable in your own skin and have met your need for organization … a place for everything and everything in its place … then you can indulge in some fun recreational activities, seeking excitement and enjoying life.

Seeking Connection: Orientation – Past; Direction – With

You get up in the morning looking for loved ones and seeking opportunities to help others start their day on the right foot.  You take care of your own morning routines and rituals quickly so as not to interfere with the needs of others.  You may have left them a lunch in the fridge with a note to remind them of your love for them.  You arrive early to make coffee for your office mates and to catch up with everyone as they come in.  Sometimes you may hope for a more reciprocal relationship than ones you have where you are the giver.  You give of yourself as the day goes on, always ready to stop and chat, lend a shoulder or a hand.  You can be interested in a job well done if it improves your relationships with others and you can be interested in being successful if it results in more contact and connection with others.   You measure your success by the quality and quantity of relationships you have.  When you are stressed you take over and become bossy and demanding.  When you are feeling relaxed and have your need for relationships met you become creative and differentiated yourself in healthy ways.

Seeking Success: Orientation – Past; Direction – Towards

You get up in the morning ready to build on yesterday’s successes.  You dress for success and do what you know other successful people do in the morning.  You prepare yourself for taking on the world, working hard to overcome the next challenge and rise to the top of your chosen profession.  Work is joy for you and you never shy away from the work or the accolades that come with the dedication you demonstrate daily. You like to be connected to people especially if they contribute in some way to your ability to reach your goals. You are proud of your accomplishments. When you are stressed you withdraw and take on a “whatever” attitude toward life and friends.  When you are successful then you relax and move to a place where you seek security for yourself and others, where there is predictability and contentment for you and you can enjoy the success you have created.

Seeking Differentiation: Orientation – Past; Direction – Away

You get up on the morning thinking about the beauty you experienced the day before.  You like beautiful things and you work to create beauty in whatever you do.  You dress to express your own unique style being careful to differentiate your look from others.  You prefer to be alone so rituals around getting ready to go anywhere are important to you.  Sometimes you don’t even have to be going anywhere to get ready.  You like to fill your home with creative works of art and you enjoy the melancholy of the suffering artist.  Drama is fuel for you. You can be a thinker when it serves your art and you can be an entrepreneur.  When you are stressed you become very clingy and want to be totally enmeshed with someone else.  When you are satisfied with your life and the beauty in it you seek perfection in your art and your life, attending to details in a healthy way.

Seeking Detachment: Orientation – Future; Direction – Away

You enjoy your time alone to think and sometimes recent having to sleep at all.  You do so to reenergize your always active brain.  You are constantly analyzing and deconstructing machines and situations and even people if they are interesting enough to warrant a theory.  You live in the theoretical and getting dressed in the morning is a necessary mindless event.   You love to read and gather information and sometimes you find someone worthy of sharing your thoughts with but you do not share them with fools.  You are happy in your role as observer of life.  Sometimes you can appreciate the beauty in the world and sometimes you understand the need for loyalty and security.  When you are stressed you change your perspective and become the fun loving adventure seeker but that never really goes well for you.  You are more likely to develop addictions to your DRUG of choice.  ON the positive side you can take charge of a situation and move your theory into action, leading a cause or a project with precision.

Seeking Security: Orientation – Future; Direction – With

You get up on the morning and check that everything is where you left it and that no one has been in the room.  The night before you set the alarm to let you know when the alarm is going to ring. You check everything three times before you leave in the morning having left sticky notes everywhere just in case you forget.  You are prepared for the day.  You have sunglasses and umbrella even though you have checked the weather and there is no rain in the forecast.  You circle your car before you get in to make sure everything is okay and you circle the office when you get there for the same reason … to make sure no one has moved the fire extinguisher.  You are careful and always prepared for the worst case scenario.  You are loyal to your friends and colleagues once you trust then and you are looking for trust in your world. You like an adventure when it is safe and you like to consider theory when it adds to your sense of security and assuredness.  When you are stressed you become tyrannical.  When you are sensing that you need for security and predictability are met then you can become very centred and peaceful.

Seeking Excitement: Orientation – Future; Direction – Toward

You wake up each day excited by the prospect of a new adventure.  If you are facing a routine or boring day you are more likely to lollygag and drag your feet but if there is innovation and experimentation in the air then you are in.  You rarely do your morning routine in the same order as the day before.  You find yourself with one sleeve of your blouse or shirt on while you are shaving or putting on makeup.  You dress for fun, to amuse yourself and others.  You smile a lot and love to make others smile.  Entertaining comes natural to you. You can take charge to make sure everyone is enjoying themselves or you can make sure they are safe so that they can have fun.  When you are stress you get very picky and rule bound.  When your need for pleasure is satisfied you become very pensive and detached, thinking deeply about things in a healthy way.

Seeking Power: Orientation – Present; Direction – Toward

You wake up each morning ready to take on the world.  You keep fit and include exercise in your daily routine.  You are physically aware and others are aware of your prowess. You come at life and each day with gusto, taking on the challenges of slow moving people or traffic like a freight train.  You are confident about your role in the world and know what needs to get done and are willing to “make it so”. You fill any power vacuums that you perceive with your take charge attitude and you believe that you can help others be better.  You can move a cause a head with your great organizational skills and leadership ability.  You can enjoy life if it gives you control over things and you can be peaceful if that adds to your sense of control of a situation.  When you are stressed you move away from others in to the cave in your head and brood.  When you are satisfied with the sense of power you have then you become connected to others in meaningful healthy ways.

Seeking Peace: Orientation – Present; Direction – Toward

You wake each morning to your peaceful sense of the world around you.  Things are as they should be.  You mediate and go through your morning ablutions at a gentle pace.  There is no hurriedness about you.  Life unfolds as it should.  You take your time getting to work, enjoying the peace and serenity you see in nature around you or the in people that you come in contact with.  You have perfected the art of “Whatever” and you mean it when you say it.  When others are losing their cool you maintain yours, seeing the bigger picture with ease and wisdom. You can see the need for rules and regulations when they lead to peace and you can see the need for power to maintain a peaceful, harmonious society or organization.  When you are stressed you become paranoid and suspicious of everyone and everything.  When you have satisfied your need for peace and harmony then you seek success in a healthy, respectful and peaceful way.

The sociology of mornings…. Observe yourself….  report your findings….  nancylove@pulseinstitute.com

I wonder what would happen if I posted my list of things to do.  Would actually get done?  What if we all did that?  Would the public shame that cold accompany not doing what you said you were going to do actually serve as a motivator??  I know that it works for me when I am trying to improve my body mass.  I go to Weight Watchers of  Herbal Magic for the public humiliation.  The threat of that weigh in helps me behave myself at table…. at least some of the time.

I have always said that people are weird.  One of the ways that they are is how they approach their to do lists.  Do they even make a list or just let it sit in their heads??

By September 1st this year my head was FULL of to do’s.  I created a list.  10 pages of things I hoped to accomplish in September.  Well my list is down to two pages today so I did a pretty good job of at least moving things along.  For me the physical list that I kept in my purse along with a small calendar that I could write in made a huge difference.  I also made a commitment to the list at the beginning of the month and stayed here in Calgary until I could accomplish most of it.  Most of the things that remain relate to our addresses in St Albert and Vancouver. Some have just gone stale.  By that I mean that they are no longer relevant.

How do you deal with your to do’s?  Are you  ruled by the list or do you take things as they come?  What strategies could you share about how to get it all together and then deal with it?  Is there another way besides the list???  It is the only way I know to organize myself and my life.

Did you know that it was Peace Week?  It seems to have been kept pretty quiet.  There are people spreading the word of inner peace, peace in family and community, between nations and around the world.  People like author Deepak Chopra, who is one of my favourites, are talking about Peace this week.

I am encouraged to know there is still a peace movement but a little disappointed that it is not more public and widespread.

The whole thing got me to wondering about who many people make their living making peace compared to how many make their living making war.  If we include peacemakers working on inner peace and community peace and family peace and peace in the corporate world and peace in government there would be an astonishing number I think.  If you compare that to the number of soldiers who are paid to make war I think you would find that the number of peacemakers of all kinds still falls short of the number of war makers.  I bet if we could even that out a bit we could make a major change in our time.  What do you think???

Back to the questions of life the universe and everything….

The way I see it life is interesting. I remember a video clip that Mel shared with me once. It shows a baby being shot out of its mother through a window and follows the baby as he develops to a toddler, a young boy, a teenager, an adult, a middle aged adult, an old man and the lands in a grave. all in less than 30 seconds. Sometimes life feels like it is moving that fast. This month I have deliberately slowed things down, taking more time to read an prepare food and to avoid rushing from one thing to another. It has been wonderful. The result is that there is actually room in my brain to write the novel I have been considering, to create and attack a very long to do list and to feel satisfaction as one by one I cross things off. It is a much easier way to approach life than running full steam at everything. Slow down, make a list and move through it.

Not rocket science for sure. I have taken these steps many times before in my life and invariably I get pulled back into the proverbial “Rat race”. I think this time will be different. I am satisfied with life at the moment. I have a few clients. I love working with them and I am considering that looking for more would trigger the fast pace again. I also have enough friends. I have LOTS of friends and I love all of them too. No need to explain to them who I am or what I am about. It is a comfortable place to be. I love my family and I have enough of them for the time being. They are all wonderful and spending time with them now is important. And I have enough places to go. Life is good in the slow lane. Thank you world.

Did you ever get a great idea that you want to share with people but you are afraid that they will think that you are crazy?? Or worse yet, you keep the idea to yourself because you might not be able to pull it off so you want to keep it to yourself so that no-one knows how crazy you are until you can prove that you are not??  Does that make sense???

I have this great idea for a novel.  I have been thinking about it since I got back from Newfoundland.  My dad was telling me about being in the Canadian Navy and being posted to St John’s when Newfoundland joined confederation.  He was told not to wear his uniform in town because people might refuse to serve him.  hmmmm  I think there is a story in there somewhere about the mainlanders and confederation in 1949.  My mum and dad met because he was posted there and she was visiting from Nova Scotia.  Although she was born in Newfoundland, she had immigrated to Canada in 1946 with her parents to live in Lunenburg.  She was home for a visit when she met dad.

Mum has always thought that I should write “stories”.  Maybe I will ….

I could also write a story about an investigative reporter who is searching for the secret to the peace in Canada, Ghana and Jordan.  He wants to understand how these three countries have managed to stay relatively peaceful while their neighbours continue to go to war.  He could have a romantic name like ‘Trip’ and be a curious fellow who finds the secret answers to the questions of life, the universe and everything from a political point of view.

I could write a story about the perfect politician … one whose motto is “Politics is a Conversation” … one who demonstrates all of the qualities and wisdom of each of the nine perspectives people take on the world.

Becoming a novelist would be work.  Constructing a good story to make your point takes skill and attention.  I wonder if it would be a way to get people’s attention and have them learn what I have already written in PULSE Conversations for Change 1 and 2 by putting the lessons in context.  hmmmmm I could get my friend Trish to be on the cover and make up attention grabbing titles. Of course I would have to use a different name to distinquish my fiction from my non fiction.

The Republic of Max – by Dr Charlotte Love

Trip Peacenik – Investigative Reporter – by Dr Charlotte Love

Perfect Politics – Dr Charlotte Love

My first name sounds more like a novelist than Nancy.

What do you think???  If you know me you are thinking “Oh no … she is bored again!!!”

insert happy face here!!!

I have just spent a wonderful week in Vancouver with Austin Gamey and his wife, Gladys.  Austin and I were able to blend work and tourism rather well.  We saw White Rock and Whistler and most things in between.  We also talked about the work that needs to occur to move PULSE Africa forward.  Austin’s energy and enthusiasm was contagious and although he was many hours off of his own time zone, he maintained a pace that I found difficult to match.

The future is bright for PULSE Africa with Austin at the helm.  Wonderful things will happen as he introduces his countrymen and those of other nations to the Complex PULSE Frame.  Austin rightly describes it as the PULSE Discovery Frame.  His use of that word with the Frame is interesting to me.  I always refer to it as a discovery and not an invention.  He elaborates that once something is DISCOVERED it is always with you and never ‘Un”discovered and that is true. Those who have discovered PULSE in their lives after they have been made aware of it in a classroom or in a book continue to use it on a daily basis.

That is true on this side of the ocean as well.  There are many people who have come to understand or have discovered that all conversations that come to successful, sustainable resolutions include the essential elements of the PULSE Frame.  It is how people make decisions and resolve differences successfully.  It makes sense then to use it when things are not going well to ensure a sustainable outcome that works for everyone.

Austin and I used the Frame to guide our talks.  The results are assured. We were Gentle and Honest with each other. We were open to the other person’s ideas and we used specific examples to ensure clarity.  We continued to Talk, to say what we were thinking until we had prepared, uncovered, learned criteria, searched options and explained a mutually agreeable plan of action which we put in writing.

Thank you to Austin and Gladys for making the long trip to visit with us in Canada.  Safe trip home.  The future is bright.

The Complex PULSE: Conversations for Change by Dr. Nancy Love  arrived in boxes today at my condo in Vancouver.  Exciting!!

I think it turned out really well.  I hope you like it too.  We printed 100 and will be sending 45 to Africa with Austin Gamey who is visiting here in Vancouver.  Austin and I have been thinking together for a few days now.  It is both exhiliarting and exhausting to be this intense.  It is good for me because it forces me to organize my thoughts in a way that makes sense to others.  That does not always seem possible. A good conversation like this is exactly what I needed to move the other two projects forward.

The BEACHs book is alive again and the Leadership series has new live as well.  It is amazing what the support of  other humans can do to change your own attitude toward your work.  I admit to being discouraged a few times this year but today is different.  The fruits of my writing are in my hand and the possibilities of others fill my head.  My heart is full of joy and expectation.

Could not have done it without all of you.  Thanks to everyone who reads this.  It is my testing ground for all that comes out in the books.  Your patience with me counts.

The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills. Richard John Needham identified the seven ages some time after Will Shakespear wrote this :

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players,
They have their exits and entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
Then, the whining schoolboy with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden, and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice
In fair round belly, with good capon lin’d,
With eyes severe, and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws, and modern instances,
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose, and pouch on side,
His youthful hose well sav’d, a world too wide,
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again towards childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

We recently saw “As You Like It” performed in Vancouver’s Bard on the Beach Festival.  It was a great reminder of how life moves quickly and changes without warning.  We are all aware that we age each day but the reality hits from time to time when a change in stage becomes too evident to ignore.  I ask myself where I am right now and how that influences my perception of things.  And I ask what impact the stage have on a world view or the perspective that each of us takes on the world.

I admit to the Justice Stage.  That leaves me on ly two more stages.  Yikes!  In my own way I have described the stages differently.  I was a child, I raised children, I became political and entrepreneurial and now I am moving beyond that to look at different ways to give back to the world.  I am comfortable in my role as grandmother and want to define that to have the maximum impact on that wonderful generation of human beings.  I ask myself how best to serve them. I know how I felt about people my age when I was theirs.  They seemed redundant and irrelevant for the most part.  Now I know how much they knew and could have shared with me if I had only taken the time to ask.

This generational effect is reeking havoc in workplaces these days.  The wisdom of the young is so different from the wisdom of the old.  Both are indeed relevant and valuable and yet the divide keeps the one from asking the other about what they know.  Finding away to do that might be my next project.  What wisdom can we all take from the Bard himself as we consider generational differences.