PULSE Conversations

I would like to thank those of you who attended yesterday’s webinar.  It was my first with UVI as a partner.  It was well attended and I think it went well.  I provided a review of PULSE the Frame and the Tetrahedron.  Here’s the link to the recording if you are interested ..PULSE 101 UVI PULSE.

There are so many people that have been following PULSE for a long time and many of those loyal PULSErs were present at the session yesterday.  A special thanks to all of you.

There were also new people attending.  For them the webinar was an introduction to a process that allows you to move with confidence into a difficult conversation.  I hope they got something out of it and that they want to learn more.  We are planning courses in the Virgin Islands for September and I am very excited to be back in that saddle … teaching and training trainers.

The Webinar is the first in a series.  The next on is on August 12th and you can register for it on the UVI Website.  The topic for the next one is GHOST, Gentle, Honest, Open, Specific Talk.  I will be talking about how this protocol sets the appreciative tone that make PULSE work.  There will be one webinar each month for the next year.

The University of the Virgin Islands’ Institute for Leadership and Organizational Effectiveness (UVI-ILOE) is pleased to announce its new program, UVI-PULSE. UVI-PULSE will offer proprietary, customized solutions while providing a variety of expert opportunities for individuals and organizations to (1) gain the courage to make change and the confidence to make a difference in their world, (2) identify goals and attain them, (3) improve the quality of every social encounter whether it be in a personal or professional setting, (4) create products to improve social exchanges and (5) provide learning exchanges, through face-to-face workshops and online training.

Join us for our free webinar on July 22, 2015

There is never any end to things like dishes and other kinds of housework.  As human beings we create messes and need to clean up after ourselves.  Dust accumulates while we are not watching and just when you thought you had a place for everything and everything in its place you decide to redecorate or someone else comes to visit and moves your stuff.  Life’s like that.

At the moment I am researching the balance between alone time and with time.  These past few years I have spent a lot of time alone. My new doctor seemed concerned when he asked if I lived alone and I said yes.  He prescribed outings everyday, spending time with friends and family and getting involved in the community as if I had some sort of disease.  He unnerved me enough that I didn’t go straight home where I would have been alone but chose to go to the nearest Chapters/Starbucks to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations for a while.  Of course listening to conversations is what I do best.

The Doctor got me thinking.  How much time alone is too much?  How much time should you spend with friends and family?  What’s the balance that works best?

I know that the answers to these questions are as individual as a finger print and that those answers are cyclical depending on time of life but there must be some general rules that I could use to make sure I don’t get what ever horrible ailment lurks in the shadows of my condo or my lake house when no one else is there but me.  I really don’t mind spending time alone as much as I used to.  I have lots of friends and I enjoy curling and yoga and tap dancing with others when those activities are in season.  I often say I have enough friends and, like in other aspects of my life, I am simplifying and down sizing my friend list.  It is a great list of wonderful people who already know me so I don’t have to explain myself and my life to new people, like my new doctor, who doesn’t quite get it.  I find that aspect of new relationships difficult.  I always feel judged.

I raised four kids and they were all teenagers at the same time.  I know what NOT alone is.  This week I am being reminded of what that was like as I entertain my grand kids and their friends at the Lake for a few days.  Cooking and cleaning and then cooking and cleaning again and then doing laundry and sweeping floors etc, etc, etc.  It takes me back and I wonder how I did that and taught high school full time and completed course work for my masters and coached a sports team. In those days I was only ever alone in the bath tub and when I sat down to watch MASH on TV.  No body bothered me then.

These days I feel as if I may have gone too far to the other extreme.  I find my self NOT doing things I might enjoy because I have no one to go with me.  Everyone has their own lives to live and those lives don’t always coincide with my need for companionship …. so I stay home.  Alone at home or alone in a crowd seem the same to me but maybe I am missing something.  Maybe I could start being out with people without knowing them.  Maybe the key to balancing the need for social interaction and the need for solitude is there in the together with strangers approach.  Those strangers are also doing what I wanted to do so maybe we can connect.   A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet, right? It takes courage and curiousity.  I’ll call it research….

By now some of you will be able to tell that the SHARP as a Marble post was a repeat of the Making a SHIFT.  I was testing out the new website drnancylove.com  It is live and it is undergoing some adjustments as I figure out how to keep all of you informed and interested and move to the new site without disruption.  The SHARP as a Marble was a test. And it proofed that I am not as SHARP today as I need to be to enter into the underground, mystifying world of the connected, interconnected “inter-web”

I have somehow acquired two Facebook pages, three twitter accounts and have connected the linked in account to both blog pages.  Once all of them are coming from the same source and only once we can make this work seamlessly. For know it’s a little rough.

On the PULSE website we had a newsletter list that we wanted to integrate as well because the PULSE site was going into mothballs.  I will be able to send newsletters from the drnancylove.com site to the loyal PULSE followers around the world. So the plan was based on my retiring and becoming a writer.

Plans change….  as you have heard me say  …. they are just something to base change on.

More on that later….

Just a brief note today on the importance of measuring your wellbeing from time to time.  How well are you feeling on each of the five intelligence measures?

Intellectually are you feeling SHARP?  What is your sense of whether or not your mind is working at capacity today?

Emotionally are you feeling HAPPY?  What emotions are you aware of and how light or heavy is your heart today?

Relationally are you feeling INDEPENDENT?  What level of control do you sense with your relationships today?

Physically are you feeling FIT? What is your sense of your level of health and fitness today?

Spiritually are you feeling TRUSTING? What sense do you have that you can trust others and the universe today?

Keep this list on your fingers and remind yourself to check in from time to time.  If you are feeling low in one measure and higher in another focus on what you can do from the higher measure to help increase the lower one.

Take Good Care.


This morning I am writing on a brand new computer.   I had a great one that froze on me way back in September.  I spent hours and hours trying to get it back but it would work for an hour or so and then shut down without warning.  I spent time on-line with tech people and talked to me computer geek brother about it.  It seemed obvious that it had a mechanical flaw.  So the company sent me a box and I sent the box and the computer back on October 3rd.   About three weeks later I got an email thanking me for my business and closing the file.  I objected.  I had not received any notice that my computer was fixed or on its way back. How could the file be closed?

I got a phone call a week or so later.  The computer was back with the company but there was some confusion around the shipping address.  My postal code starts a T.  Somehow it was recorded as 5.   There had been an attempt to deliver it but they could not find the address.  Using the tracking number, five emails and 3 phone calls later we determine that it was delivered to someone in Mississauga … 4,000 kilometres away.  It was delivered on October 28th.  Again I received a nice email thanking me and notifying me that the file would be closed.

So It is February now.  Yesterday I finally was able to get my hands on the new replacement computer.  It is a beauty.  I will watch for the signs of malfunction closely.  I have learned a lot about how to get the computer back… none of which worked on my hard defective hardware but might work on something in the programming going awry.  I have also learned to be persistent, but I already knew that and for the most part it was a gentle, honest, open, specific talk kind of persistence.

It has been difficult for me to work with out a fully reliable computer so I welcome this state of the art machine.  We will have to spend sometime getting to know each other and I will have to mothball the one I brought out of hiding once again.  If I included the time I spent trying to upgrade that one from vista to 8.1 with no luck at all and the time I spent with the repair people and the customer service people I could probably have finished my book.

Life is full of disruptions.  Sometimes they take the form of shiny objects to chase down dead-end roads.  I had one such call yesterday.  Someone from a news radio station out of New York.   He asked me a million questions and kept me on the phone for over an hour.  Near the beginning of the conversation, after he had said that he was targeting small businesses and looking for the best female coaches in Canada to feature on his radio show where I would be interviewed by Doug Llewellyn,  I asked if there was a fee and mentioned that if there was I was not interested.  I was pretty  and Other clear.  I have heard these kind of stories before.  So after reassurances that the entrepreneurs would pay NO FEE  – his exact words – I answered his questions about my story and why women would hire me as their coach. there were personal questions about what I charge and how many clients I would be able to take on because millions of people would be calling me after the broadcast.

Then the shoe dropped …  A script writer would be calling me and his fee was $995.00.  Then a tirade about the money that would flow to me as a result.  I was disappointed and I said so.  He had wasted my time and his.  Even though I had specifically asked and was adamantly reassured that this was at no cost to me there indeed WAS a fee.  I felt duped.  I had people waiting for me so I excused myself after expressing my disappointment and my feelings of having been played.

The experience must have been valuable at some level, right?  I did learn that I am not as interested in building a client list as I am in helping people I know and who have come to me for education or coaching help.  I love working with people.  I love to hear the uniqueness in every story and the find the hidden potential they may have overlooked.  It is satisfying.

I could go on but I have already exceeded my typical three to four hundred words in a blog rule and now I am taking your time.  So sorry.  Yours is valuable.  Now that I have these two time wasters off my chest and I have a new shiny computer to work on I will go back to the rhythm of shorter and hopefully more frequent blogs.  Take good care.  Remember to SHIFT when you are feeling down.


It has been a blast.  I have enjoyed the ride and hope you all have too.

Remember to prepare for the conversation, uncover the circumstance of the past, learn the significance in the present and search the possibilities for the future before you write your plan of action.

Prepare. Uncover, Learn, Search, Explain

People Using Language Skills Effectively.

Keep in touch…..

If you are reading this on http://www.pulseinstitute.com please visit nancylove.me or nancylove.wordpress.com.  Blogs will continue to be shared on facebook and Linked in as well.  The Institute will fade away but its good works will not be forgotten.

PULSE has flat lined.  We will slowly be moving the PULSE intellectual property and website into mothballs.  It is sad but necessary.  All things must end.  PULSE is no different.  It has run its course, training people around the world how to speak and listen to each other in ways that make peaceful productive workplaces and relationships possible.  It has been a great run.

I have had opportunities to work with people in Europe, Africa, the USA, the Caribbean and sometimes even in Canada.  I have learned how difficult it can be to be a profit in your own land.  PULSE has really gained more attention away from Alberta and Canada than it has here.

PULSE is more than a conversation Frame.  It was an Institute that studied People Using Language Skills Effectively.  The client list is impressive and the number of PULSE professionals created over the 13 years of operation gives me hope that PULSE and its teachings will continue.

As a business it has failed.  I take responsibility for that and that is why I have signed the “do not resuscitate” order.  This could turn into confessions of a reluctant entrepreneur but most of you who know me have heard those confessions and don’t really need a recap.

It has been fun and interesting and the BEST part is the people that I have been privileged to meet along the way. We made videos.  We wrote books.  We created learning opportunities in person and on line.  We gave people tools like GHOST and HEART and POWER and more recently BEACHes and SHIFT AND we brought people to resolution … again, and again , and again using the specific techniques embedded in the frame.

I want to thank everyone who has ever participated in any kind of PULSE event and invite you to continue to use any of the tools you learned to resolve issues for yourself and others.  The world needs skilled communicators like you.

I will ask Andrew to send this out as a newsletter to our list on the weekend.  There is a webinar scheduled for December 4th. It would be great if you could join us.  A champagne toast to end a fantastic journey. http://pulseinstitute.adobeconnect.com/flatline/  Any one can join. A Wake for an old friend, a acceleration of the life of an idea.  Hope you can make it.

I have always thought of myself as independent.  Even when I was totally financial dependent on others, I imagined that I still had decision making power and control over how things would turn out.  I acted as if my voice still counted and I took responsibility for those decision that I helped to make.

An independent spirit requires that you maintain a certain level of competence and distance from others.  It is not that you loose any sense of compassion or caring.  It is just that you take the observe role and see the situation from a perspective that allows you to observe the good and the bad in any and all possible outcomes.  You do not become lost in the needs of others nor do you ignore their needs to gain your own advantage.  It is this level of autonomy that keeps us sane and healthy in difficult situations and it is that level of autonomy that we lose when we slip into dependence – emotional, financial, physical, spiritual, intellectual or relational.

How do we guard ourselves against that kind of dependence?  First we must recognize the signs of waning self confidence and waxing loss of identity. Knowing your own mind, heart and body is the first step and being tuned into changes or SHIFTS is key.  When you begin to set aside your own needs on a regular basis is it is time to take stock.  When you are blaming others for your situation it is time to take stock and when you are making decisions for others it is also time to take stock.  It is a balancing act and you will know when you are in the GROOVE

Take good care this week. Keep in touch with yourself and your relational well-being.  Maintain a healthy distance from those you are not ready to trust.  Rely on yourself and on those with whom you have developed a healthy INTERdependence.

Listening is a skill.  You need to practice a skill if you hope to improve it.  That was the premise behind the POWER listening webinar I delivered yesterday.

http://pulseinstitute.adobeconnect.com/p97u0vgopq7/  You can watch the unedited version by following the link.

Listening is so important as one of the main ways that we gather information from our world.  We use all of our senses for sure. In listening though we seem to be part of all of the aspects.  What I mean is that we are sender, medium and receiver.  What we pay attention to while we are listening changes the other person’s story even when we are silent.   they are watching for our responses and it will help them decide what to say next. When we receive a message we filter it through our own static.  Quieting that static is a large part of the skill of listening deeply.

There are different ways to listening.  You can listen to something.  You can listen for something which is more deliberate and can be very effective in promoting good conversation. You can listen on behalf of someone else which is often what a mediator does as they help parties build understanding.  You can also listen with others.  Doing that is what I call deep listening.  If you are with a group and listening together it is wonderful to share and hear their interpretation.  Nothing demonstrates how we use our filters like a group listen.

In the webinar I talk about listening with HEART which is the more passive skill of giving others a space to speak into, one that is safe and caring.  then I talk about POWER listening which is more about providing evidence of listening.  i think both are necessary.  If you listen politely and never provide evidence of what you hear the other person will not have the same sense of freedom from having been hear, acknowledged and understood.

Some days it is easier to listen than others.  Distractions are everywhere in our world and they are the enemy of good listening.  Listening intently and with purpose requires that we use our listening muscles to cut through the distraction and focus our attention on what is being said … and not said.  Listening occurs with eyes and ears and body and it takes practice.

What kind of listening workout do you have  planned today?

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