So you’re at work, and a colleague returns from leave. They try to pick up where they left off, but you know things have changed significantly while they have been away. You try to explain the differences, but the frustration that you are both feeling is starting to show. You both want to do your work well, and you have worked well together in the past. This feels different.
Suggestion #1
How about the two of you meet off campus in a quiet, private place where you can say what you are thinking in a gentle, honest way? Maybe that would allow you both to name the elephants that might be getting in the way. Asking and answering questions about your greatest fear and your greatest hope for working together might clear the air and help rebuild the relationship. First, agree to Gentle, Honest, Open, Specific Talk. I call it GHOST talk.
Speak gently so the other person can keep listening and their defences aren’t triggered.
Be honest with each other. Say what you are thinking in a gentle way.
Be open to hearing what the other person is saying, and let it influence your version of things. Remember everyone is doing the best they can with what they know.
Use examples for clarity … be specific to avoid misunderstanding.
And keep talking. Set aside a full 90 minutes to deal with whatever comes up. No walk-aways and no power plays. Stick with it.
Your goal is to name your concerns and hopes, and the other person’s concerns and hopes. You will also recognize the shared concerns and hopes you have as you work together.
Once you identify the unique and shared concerns and hopes, you can begin brainstorming options to meet those criteria and resolve the differences that have gotten in the way of a peaceful, productive working relationship.
Create a written document outlining the things you have each agreed to do and what you have agreed to do together. INclude dates and times and times to check in which each other.
If the weirdness returns, “rinse and repeat.”
