Nancy Love’s Weblog

Last week I took an afternoon and reformatted the first book in the PULSE series – Conversations for Change and uploaded it… I mean published it ….on Kindle….  You might say I was “kindling”  (smile).  It took some concentration but was relatively painless.

Here is the link –  http://www.amazon.com/Conversations-For-Change-ebook/dp/B007CE36QW/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1330282885&sr=1-2

I just changed the cover.  Not really happy with it yet.  I would welcome suggestions or art work….

You might also be happy to know that I won a draw to get some humour lessons from humour expert Judy at CAPS in March.  Many of you will be relieved.

Things that PULSE practitioners think, feel and do …

1. Conversations work best when ….

2. Gentle – so others can keep listening.

3. Honest – say what you are thinking…. in a gentle way.

4.  You are not prepared to resolve or move on until you have said everything that is on your mind.

5. Be open to what is being said and allow it to influence you.

6. Use specific examples for clarity… a story, a picture, an image.

7. Sometimes people use the same word to mean two completely different things.

8.  Keep talking until you find a resolution.

9. Gentle Honest, Open, Specific, Talk

10. Listen with HEART. Deep listening works to acknowledge emotion and de-escalate.

11. Hush your own mind, body and heart.  Be with the other person. Be curious.

12. Empathise.  Walk a mile in their shoes. Ask yourself “What is it like to be them?” Feel for them.

13. Attend to what they are saying and what they are not saying.

14. Body language speaks when it changes.

15. Facial expressions never lie and are universal across cultures.

16. Reflect back what you see. Remain silent so that they can respond to how you (they) look.

17. Trust that everyone is doing the best they can with what they know.

18. Trust to be trusted.

19. Hush, Empathise, Attend, Reflect and Trust = HEART – deep listening.

20. Earn yourself a hearing.

21. POWER listening gives evidence of having heard.

22. Paraphrase what you hear them saying.

23. Ask Open questions that hinge on what has been said.

24. WAIT – Why am I talking??

25. Let them finish.

26. Let them think about what you have said. Uninterrupted thinking is more effective.

27. Empathise by noticing and stating the level of emotion that you see, hear or experience.

28. “This has been difficult for you.”

29.  “You feel strongly about this.”

30.  “I can’t begin to imagine how it is for you.”

31.  Reframe is powerful.

32. Reframe changes the picture of the situation and therefore the situation is changed.

33. Paraphrase, Open questions, Wait, Empathise and Reframe = POWER listening

34.  Reframe involves identifying the perspective – the BEACH.

35. Beliefs, Expectations, Assumptions, Concerns and Hopes.

36. PULSE BEACHs are made of sand.  They are fluid and changing.

37. BEACHs identify what people are looking for in the world.

38.  On Perfection BEACH people seek order and the right way to do things.

39. On Connection BEACH people seek relationship and a way to help others.

40. On Success BEACH people seek to be on top and a way to work harder and smarter.

41.  On Differentiation BEACH people are seeking to be different, to be creative and unique.

42.  On Detachment BEACH people are seeking wisdom and knowledge and theoretical analysis.

43. On Security BEACH people are seeking safety and protection in the future.

44. On Excitement BEACH people are seeking joy and fun and adventure.

45. On Power BEACH people are seeking control and outcomes in the present.

46. On Peace BEACH people are seeking comfort and harmony.

47.  We understand ourselves through our relationship with others.

48.  Sociology explains how we interact with others.  The PULSE BEACHs are a sociological Construct.

49.  We move from BEACH to BEACH depending on our state.

50.  Each BEACH has its own language and culture.

51.  PULSE Practitioners recognized and interpret the language from each of the BEACHs.

52. Words Create Worlds.

53. You see what you are looking for and you hear what you are listening for…

54. Look for the positive and you will find more of it.

55. Acting as if something is going to happen moves it closer.

56. Anticipating an outcome brings it closer.

57. See the ball in the net, the hole wherever you want it to be.

58.  Seeing is believing and believing is seeing. Chicken and egg.

59.  We move toward what we pay attention to…

60.  We move toward what we imagine for the future.

61.  Change the image and change the future.

62.  Build the conversation and they will come.

63.  Create a neural link with your participants.

64.  Change begins the minute you ask the questions.

65. Positive questions shift thinking from negative to positive.

66. “What’s the best conversation you have ever had?”

67. “What made it good?”

68.  “What would it take to get back to that kind of conversation?”

69.  “If a miracle happened while you were sleeping how would you know?  What would be different?”

70.  “Understanding and agreement are two different things.”

71.  Ninety minutes are all you need to resolve a difference.

72.  PULSE is a brained based conversation.

73.  PULSE is a heart based conversation.

74.  PULSE is a body based conversation.

75. PULSE is an integrated conversation – past, present and future.

76.  There are three kinds of people … those that come toward you … those that move away and those that move with you.

77.   There are three kinds of people in the world … those that focus on emotion and the past, those that focus on the body and the present and those that focus on the head and the future.

78.  Three by three grid gives you nine perspectives that people can take on the world or on a specific situation.

79.  Where are you coming from?  Perfection, connection, success, differentiation, detachment, security, excitement, power or peace.

80.  Perfection is good until it isn’t.

81. Connection is good until it isn’t.

82. Success is good until it isn’t.

83. Differentiation is good until it isn’t.

84. Detachment is good until it isn’t.

85. Security is good until it isn’t.

86.  Excitement is good until it isn’t.

87. Power is good until it isn’t.

88. Peace is good until it isn’t.

89. There is a fair weather side and a stormy side to each BEACH.

90.  All of the BEACHs are good until they aren’t.  Then it is time to move.

91.  To move from one BEACH to another you have to find what you are looking for there.

92.  Perfection BEACH moves to Excitement BEACH.

93. Excitement BEACH moves to Detachment BEACH.

94. Detachment BEACH moves to Power BEACH.

95. Power BEACH moves to Connection BEACH.

96. Connection BEACH moves to Differentiation BEACH.

97.  Differentiation BEACH moves to Perfection BEACH to close the circle.

98.  Success moves to Security which moves to Peace to complete the triangle.

99.  The BEACH paths are two-way.

100.  Knowing the BEACHS allows you to use them, not have them use you.

Appreciative Mediation is a term I have begun to use to describe the PULSE Frame as a mediation tool. I have been asked to speak about it at the up coming AAMS conference and so I need to describe it for them and for you.

The PULSE Frame relies heavily on the theories associated with Appreciative Inquiry. AI at its core values the ideas of participants and accepts that the answers to any dispute or issue lies with them. The process of PULSE mediation is very similar to the process associated with AI which is used in organizational development to change the culture of an organization. The similarities in philosophical approach and processes will be explored in this appreciative session on appreciative mediation.

Process

Step one is to prepare for the inquiry by choosing a method such as peer interviews or whole group symposium. The second step is the uncover an affirmative topic. The third is to learn or discover the positive core. The fourth is to search or design a future and the fifth is the explain a plan and implement is the deliver stage.

Philosophy

What I most appreciate about AI is the way that people are held capable of wonderful positive contribution. I appreciate the positive questions and the underlying principles that pulse relies on.

1. The constructivist principle – words create worlds
2. The simultaneity principle – questioning begins the change
3. The anticipatory principle – people move toward an anticipated future
4. The positive principle and the heliotropic theory – people give you more of what gets attention
5. The poetic principle – people choose what they study
6. The Free Choice principle – people own what they choose

All of these principles are accepted by PULSE Practitioners and that makes a difference in how they approach mediation. This session will examine how appreciative mediation is the same as and different from facilitative mediation.

So I’m sitting waiting for my nails to dry and playing with this iPhone thingy. It would be good to learn to communicate with it. I haven’t figured out the cloud thing yet. I signed up, added space and now I can’t figure our how to put stuff there. FRUSTRATING. And then thee is this auto correct that guesses at what I mean. ANNOYING. And the auto matic sentence ender. I feel as if my Freedom of thought and speech are somehow being eroded. Although it is nice to know that things are correct. Even I’d they are not what I intended.
So what is the impact of iPhone on communication. It is part of the story line in my novel… My speculative fiction. What happens when role rely too heavily on machines?
In my day the fear was that calculators would erode math skills and that word processors would erode cursive writing skills. Grammar and typing skills are next???

Who knows. It
May force us to pay Bette artwntion to what
We are doing. Right ?