Nancy Love’s Weblog

This morning I received a message that this blog had a new follower… possibly from Ghana.  Welcome!  We at PULSE have many friends at Ghana and many PULSE practionners have put the Frame to use there with great success resolving differences even between warring tribes there.  I have been invited to Ghana many times but have not had the privilege of visiting there…yet.

One of my projects this winter is to write a novel.  One of the settings is Ghana as the hero of the story searches for the secret of peace among nations.  Ghana, Canada and Jordan are three countries were peaceful choices were made when their neighbours went to war.  The hero’s circumstances conspire to create an urgent curiousity about peaceful nations and the lessons to be learned there.  He begins a quest, an appreciative inquiry into peace.

It started as a serious academic look at the situation when Canada stayed out of Iraq.  I had our summer student put together documents outlining how all three countries had histories that were different from their neighbours and my own curiousity peeked. Like most writers the timeliness of the project got away with me as I was doing other things and so now that I do have some time to spend with the research I am not sure how relevant it will be.  Pair that with my recent experience as a member of a book club where I am forced to read novels and my mother’s very serious question “Why don’t you ever write stories??” and VOILA… the idea of using the research to write a story was born.

I am very lucky that I have friends in Ghana and in Jordan who can read the book for me and advise as to the accuracy of the facts of the situation that I describe in it.  I am also lucky that my brother is a geek.  I have set the novel in the future and I am having such fun playing with the technology.  All of the gadgets I have dreamed up are possible with today’s technology and I have put ones we now use to further use as technologies merge.  I am having so much fun inventing things that provide convenience and make life easier in some ways and restricted in others. My brother smiles alot when we talk about it.

My dilemma right now is how to find the time to actually sit and write.  It is a lot like the winter I wrote my dissertation.  I am torn by this desire to spend time with family and friends especially in December and my need to capture the thoughts on paper or on the screen.  I am working towards 8 hour days with coffee and lunch breaks.  With most of the creative work in place it is now time to settle in and write.  It is now my JOB to get the manuscript written and to find a publisher who might be interested in this future best seller.  Meanwhile I play with titles and ask friends and colleagues to listen to or read excerpts but not too many and only those who will provide positive feedback.  I am still vulnerable with the story, meaning that if anyone said…”who would be interested in a story like that?”  I would be devastated and have to put it aside.  It is my baby and it is beautiful to me.

The Ghana piece, although it has been well researched, lacks my own personal experience of that beautiful country and so I am considering when might be a good time in the process to make the journey.  I would like to have some sort of manuscript in hand before I go … one that I feel comfortable sharing with the people there.

I had an interesting experience this week.  someone contacted me through the Canadian Association of Professional speakers.  They indicated that they wanted me to come to London England to speak at a seminar on business at a school for the arts – Bird College.  I was flattered but a little confused and sceptical.  I continued a conversation through email on black berry for a few days while I was travelling.  they had sent documents like a letter of invitation and a contract but I was unable to open them until I got home.  the documents lacked the quality of a post secondary institution and some holes were appearing in the discussion as it proceeded.  The email address of the person who contacted me did not match the pattern of the ones on the website and when I followed the pattern for my contact, the email bounced.

I was instructed to first acquire a work permit and present it along with the signed contract so that travel arrangements could be made by the college.  The catch … the work permit money was to be paid to an individual with at least two names – one in the email and one in the return email address.  Over  $1000.00 dollars for a work visa for a one hour speech???  Hmmmm  I sent back an “I’m confused” email and got a phone call from the professor Davis Smith I had been corresponding with.  He had a Chinese accent?  Curiouser and curiouser….  he wanted to assure me that once I sent the money for the visa to this Dr. Lewis that the college would pay everything and I should send the money right away to avoid delays in the issuing of the visa.  I don’t think so…..

It was a pretty good attempt at a scam, complete with scheduled conference call with other presenters at the seminar and a representative at the Embassy.  These folks are getting pretty sophisticated.  We all need to be extra diligent and check and double-check everything I guess.  It is so not in my nature to be suspicious but I have learned a valuable lesson here that I hope others can benefit from.  It is sometime important to look at the world through the lens of the Security BEACH so as to protect yourself and others from the unscrupulous beaviour of others. “Shields Up!!”

Hello from St John in the Virgin Islands.  I have been here before but today was the first time I had spent a whole day on this beautiful island in the Caribbean. It is so warm and tropical and relaxing that it is hard to think about working although the people who live here do just as we do in the north… they get up and go to work each day.  The difference is that they go to work in paradise.

When I lived in the resort town of Grande Cache I felt that way.  People in town would say …”Just another day in Paradise.”  The tourist came and went and we stayed.  It was awesome.  And today I got a chance to go to work in paradise again.  Marjorie and I did a BEACHs webinar.  How appropriate ..with a BEACH right outside my window.  We talked about each of the nine perspectives and the significance of a sociological construct for understanding human interaction.  It was great…and I forgot to press record.  I hate that when it happens.  Brilliant seminar and no proof.

Well … what can you do?  You can go downtown and get the signature bracelet for the Island… the St John Hook.  It is a symbol of love and connection, beautiful in its simplicity and complex in its meaning … like other symbols I know.

Good Evening from the Islands….

Here is another way to look at how each of us approach the day.  The Sociology of mornings… which of these nine perspectives describes your approach???

Seeking Perfection:  Orientation – Present; Direction – With

You get up in the morning to a finely tuned routine that is timed and planned and consistent.  Throughout the day you look for ways to “tidy” up any messes you encounter, to edit any writing with errors and to remind people of the rules they may not be following.  You, of course know the rules and are happy to follow them. You have found a fashion style that suits you and you stick with it for the most part. You do not mind when others lean on you although you are more likely to be self reliant.  You can be peaceful see a role for standardization in creating peace.  When you are stressed you move away from others and become melancholy and distance, feeling quite sorry for yourself, seeking to differentiate yourself from the world.  When you are comfortable in your own skin and have met your need for organization … a place for everything and everything in its place … then you can indulge in some fun recreational activities, seeking excitement and enjoying life.

Seeking Connection: Orientation – Past; Direction – With

You get up in the morning looking for loved ones and seeking opportunities to help others start their day on the right foot.  You take care of your own morning routines and rituals quickly so as not to interfere with the needs of others.  You may have left them a lunch in the fridge with a note to remind them of your love for them.  You arrive early to make coffee for your office mates and to catch up with everyone as they come in.  Sometimes you may hope for a more reciprocal relationship than ones you have where you are the giver.  You give of yourself as the day goes on, always ready to stop and chat, lend a shoulder or a hand.  You can be interested in a job well done if it improves your relationships with others and you can be interested in being successful if it results in more contact and connection with others.   You measure your success by the quality and quantity of relationships you have.  When you are stressed you take over and become bossy and demanding.  When you are feeling relaxed and have your need for relationships met you become creative and differentiated yourself in healthy ways.

Seeking Success: Orientation – Past; Direction – Towards

You get up in the morning ready to build on yesterday’s successes.  You dress for success and do what you know other successful people do in the morning.  You prepare yourself for taking on the world, working hard to overcome the next challenge and rise to the top of your chosen profession.  Work is joy for you and you never shy away from the work or the accolades that come with the dedication you demonstrate daily. You like to be connected to people especially if they contribute in some way to your ability to reach your goals. You are proud of your accomplishments. When you are stressed you withdraw and take on a “whatever” attitude toward life and friends.  When you are successful then you relax and move to a place where you seek security for yourself and others, where there is predictability and contentment for you and you can enjoy the success you have created.

Seeking Differentiation: Orientation – Past; Direction – Away

You get up on the morning thinking about the beauty you experienced the day before.  You like beautiful things and you work to create beauty in whatever you do.  You dress to express your own unique style being careful to differentiate your look from others.  You prefer to be alone so rituals around getting ready to go anywhere are important to you.  Sometimes you don’t even have to be going anywhere to get ready.  You like to fill your home with creative works of art and you enjoy the melancholy of the suffering artist.  Drama is fuel for you. You can be a thinker when it serves your art and you can be an entrepreneur.  When you are stressed you become very clingy and want to be totally enmeshed with someone else.  When you are satisfied with your life and the beauty in it you seek perfection in your art and your life, attending to details in a healthy way.

Seeking Detachment: Orientation – Future; Direction – Away

You enjoy your time alone to think and sometimes recent having to sleep at all.  You do so to reenergize your always active brain.  You are constantly analyzing and deconstructing machines and situations and even people if they are interesting enough to warrant a theory.  You live in the theoretical and getting dressed in the morning is a necessary mindless event.   You love to read and gather information and sometimes you find someone worthy of sharing your thoughts with but you do not share them with fools.  You are happy in your role as observer of life.  Sometimes you can appreciate the beauty in the world and sometimes you understand the need for loyalty and security.  When you are stressed you change your perspective and become the fun loving adventure seeker but that never really goes well for you.  You are more likely to develop addictions to your DRUG of choice.  ON the positive side you can take charge of a situation and move your theory into action, leading a cause or a project with precision.

Seeking Security: Orientation – Future; Direction – With

You get up on the morning and check that everything is where you left it and that no one has been in the room.  The night before you set the alarm to let you know when the alarm is going to ring. You check everything three times before you leave in the morning having left sticky notes everywhere just in case you forget.  You are prepared for the day.  You have sunglasses and umbrella even though you have checked the weather and there is no rain in the forecast.  You circle your car before you get in to make sure everything is okay and you circle the office when you get there for the same reason … to make sure no one has moved the fire extinguisher.  You are careful and always prepared for the worst case scenario.  You are loyal to your friends and colleagues once you trust then and you are looking for trust in your world. You like an adventure when it is safe and you like to consider theory when it adds to your sense of security and assuredness.  When you are stressed you become tyrannical.  When you are sensing that you need for security and predictability are met then you can become very centred and peaceful.

Seeking Excitement: Orientation – Future; Direction – Toward

You wake up each day excited by the prospect of a new adventure.  If you are facing a routine or boring day you are more likely to lollygag and drag your feet but if there is innovation and experimentation in the air then you are in.  You rarely do your morning routine in the same order as the day before.  You find yourself with one sleeve of your blouse or shirt on while you are shaving or putting on makeup.  You dress for fun, to amuse yourself and others.  You smile a lot and love to make others smile.  Entertaining comes natural to you. You can take charge to make sure everyone is enjoying themselves or you can make sure they are safe so that they can have fun.  When you are stress you get very picky and rule bound.  When your need for pleasure is satisfied you become very pensive and detached, thinking deeply about things in a healthy way.

Seeking Power: Orientation – Present; Direction – Toward

You wake up each morning ready to take on the world.  You keep fit and include exercise in your daily routine.  You are physically aware and others are aware of your prowess. You come at life and each day with gusto, taking on the challenges of slow moving people or traffic like a freight train.  You are confident about your role in the world and know what needs to get done and are willing to “make it so”. You fill any power vacuums that you perceive with your take charge attitude and you believe that you can help others be better.  You can move a cause a head with your great organizational skills and leadership ability.  You can enjoy life if it gives you control over things and you can be peaceful if that adds to your sense of control of a situation.  When you are stressed you move away from others in to the cave in your head and brood.  When you are satisfied with the sense of power you have then you become connected to others in meaningful healthy ways.

Seeking Peace: Orientation – Present; Direction – Toward

You wake each morning to your peaceful sense of the world around you.  Things are as they should be.  You mediate and go through your morning ablutions at a gentle pace.  There is no hurriedness about you.  Life unfolds as it should.  You take your time getting to work, enjoying the peace and serenity you see in nature around you or the in people that you come in contact with.  You have perfected the art of “Whatever” and you mean it when you say it.  When others are losing their cool you maintain yours, seeing the bigger picture with ease and wisdom. You can see the need for rules and regulations when they lead to peace and you can see the need for power to maintain a peaceful, harmonious society or organization.  When you are stressed you become paranoid and suspicious of everyone and everything.  When you have satisfied your need for peace and harmony then you seek success in a healthy, respectful and peaceful way.

The sociology of mornings…. Observe yourself….  report your findings….  nancylove@pulseinstitute.com

I wonder what would happen if I posted my list of things to do.  Would actually get done?  What if we all did that?  Would the public shame that cold accompany not doing what you said you were going to do actually serve as a motivator??  I know that it works for me when I am trying to improve my body mass.  I go to Weight Watchers of  Herbal Magic for the public humiliation.  The threat of that weigh in helps me behave myself at table…. at least some of the time.

I have always said that people are weird.  One of the ways that they are is how they approach their to do lists.  Do they even make a list or just let it sit in their heads??

By September 1st this year my head was FULL of to do’s.  I created a list.  10 pages of things I hoped to accomplish in September.  Well my list is down to two pages today so I did a pretty good job of at least moving things along.  For me the physical list that I kept in my purse along with a small calendar that I could write in made a huge difference.  I also made a commitment to the list at the beginning of the month and stayed here in Calgary until I could accomplish most of it.  Most of the things that remain relate to our addresses in St Albert and Vancouver. Some have just gone stale.  By that I mean that they are no longer relevant.

How do you deal with your to do’s?  Are you  ruled by the list or do you take things as they come?  What strategies could you share about how to get it all together and then deal with it?  Is there another way besides the list???  It is the only way I know to organize myself and my life.

Did you know that it was Peace Week?  It seems to have been kept pretty quiet.  There are people spreading the word of inner peace, peace in family and community, between nations and around the world.  People like author Deepak Chopra, who is one of my favourites, are talking about Peace this week.

I am encouraged to know there is still a peace movement but a little disappointed that it is not more public and widespread.

The whole thing got me to wondering about who many people make their living making peace compared to how many make their living making war.  If we include peacemakers working on inner peace and community peace and family peace and peace in the corporate world and peace in government there would be an astonishing number I think.  If you compare that to the number of soldiers who are paid to make war I think you would find that the number of peacemakers of all kinds still falls short of the number of war makers.  I bet if we could even that out a bit we could make a major change in our time.  What do you think???

Back to the questions of life the universe and everything….

The way I see it life is interesting. I remember a video clip that Mel shared with me once. It shows a baby being shot out of its mother through a window and follows the baby as he develops to a toddler, a young boy, a teenager, an adult, a middle aged adult, an old man and the lands in a grave. all in less than 30 seconds. Sometimes life feels like it is moving that fast. This month I have deliberately slowed things down, taking more time to read an prepare food and to avoid rushing from one thing to another. It has been wonderful. The result is that there is actually room in my brain to write the novel I have been considering, to create and attack a very long to do list and to feel satisfaction as one by one I cross things off. It is a much easier way to approach life than running full steam at everything. Slow down, make a list and move through it.

Not rocket science for sure. I have taken these steps many times before in my life and invariably I get pulled back into the proverbial “Rat race”. I think this time will be different. I am satisfied with life at the moment. I have a few clients. I love working with them and I am considering that looking for more would trigger the fast pace again. I also have enough friends. I have LOTS of friends and I love all of them too. No need to explain to them who I am or what I am about. It is a comfortable place to be. I love my family and I have enough of them for the time being. They are all wonderful and spending time with them now is important. And I have enough places to go. Life is good in the slow lane. Thank you world.

Did you ever get a great idea that you want to share with people but you are afraid that they will think that you are crazy?? Or worse yet, you keep the idea to yourself because you might not be able to pull it off so you want to keep it to yourself so that no-one knows how crazy you are until you can prove that you are not??  Does that make sense???

I have this great idea for a novel.  I have been thinking about it since I got back from Newfoundland.  My dad was telling me about being in the Canadian Navy and being posted to St John’s when Newfoundland joined confederation.  He was told not to wear his uniform in town because people might refuse to serve him.  hmmmm  I think there is a story in there somewhere about the mainlanders and confederation in 1949.  My mum and dad met because he was posted there and she was visiting from Nova Scotia.  Although she was born in Newfoundland, she had immigrated to Canada in 1946 with her parents to live in Lunenburg.  She was home for a visit when she met dad.

Mum has always thought that I should write “stories”.  Maybe I will ….

I could also write a story about an investigative reporter who is searching for the secret to the peace in Canada, Ghana and Jordan.  He wants to understand how these three countries have managed to stay relatively peaceful while their neighbours continue to go to war.  He could have a romantic name like ‘Trip’ and be a curious fellow who finds the secret answers to the questions of life, the universe and everything from a political point of view.

I could write a story about the perfect politician … one whose motto is “Politics is a Conversation” … one who demonstrates all of the qualities and wisdom of each of the nine perspectives people take on the world.

Becoming a novelist would be work.  Constructing a good story to make your point takes skill and attention.  I wonder if it would be a way to get people’s attention and have them learn what I have already written in PULSE Conversations for Change 1 and 2 by putting the lessons in context.  hmmmmm I could get my friend Trish to be on the cover and make up attention grabbing titles. Of course I would have to use a different name to distinquish my fiction from my non fiction.

The Republic of Max – by Dr Charlotte Love

Trip Peacenik – Investigative Reporter – by Dr Charlotte Love

Perfect Politics – Dr Charlotte Love

My first name sounds more like a novelist than Nancy.

What do you think???  If you know me you are thinking “Oh no … she is bored again!!!”

insert happy face here!!!