Nancy Love’s Weblog

So my daughters and I are in Aruba. It is a beautiful “sand bar” in the Caribbean Sea. We are having a beach vacation. We are enjoying the sun and the sand and the sea. The food is good. We are reading books and relaxing together. The “together” is the best part.

It is early morning and overcast at the moment but the sun has shone everyday and the temperature is in the low 30’s. It has been very pleasant and rejuvenating.

Most of what I know I learned from people who are a head of me on the road of life.  They look back at the path I am on and point and say… “don’t trip on that stick…” or they stand beside me and warn … “around that corner there are often animals in the bushes waiting for you to hesitate…”  Sometime the message arrives in peculiar ways, like when a dream wakes you and you SEE things differently.

This morning I was dreaming and, upon awakening, I came to a realisation.  I am a story-teller.  Not that insightful but interesting new information for me.  AND my stories are often comic tragedy.  I tell people about all of the things that go wrong so they can enjoy the story and so that they hope, as I do, it never happens to them.  Tragically things do go wrong for me. Too many things….  The air travel stories I could tell….  The hotel stories ….  The training stories ….  All based on strings of events that lead to outrageous situations  where I become the tragically funny victim. 

Time for a change …  The flip side of those stories is equally entertaining and true.  I have travelled to wonderful places and had many “pinch me” moments in my travelling and during my training events in many places.  Those are the stories to be told.  I here by pledge to resist the one-upmanship of telling a worse tale of woe than the person who is complaining to me and to never use the words “That’s nothing… do you know what happened to me???”

No more victim stories. No more villain stories either … you know … the ones where you get even.  I tell those too.  So no victim or villain.  That only leaves hero stories.  I feel my neck tighten as I write that.  My experience in our society has made the hero story something that is told by others.  It is uncomfortable and yet very necessary if you are to be successful in this world. 

One of my strongest mentors is my cousin Joan who recently retired from the Senate of Canada.  Once while I was visiting her in Ottawa, I listened while she had a conversations with a Cabinet Minister.  As we walked away she said to me….”If I don’t tell him what I have done on the Senate Committee, who will?”   She is right of course.  Who beside you knows the contribution you have made? Tell the world.  Tell the good stories. And if you can make it funny … even better.  Let me work on that.

The next stage of the PULSE Institute began this week with the new website and logo.  It was a soft launch.  No hoopla.  We have maintained our understated status and continue to fly under the radar.  Many people don’t know what we do and how wonderful the skills we teach are.  Many do.  Those are the people we are inviting to attend the Conversation at the Convention in Vancouver in August.  I am getting excited about the possibilities there.

When an institute like ours has been in existence for 10 years it is time to naval gaze a little and see what is next.  So the Convention will be our opportunity to see where we have been, what we are up to now and where that will take us.  A familiar Frame for conversations … right? Prepare, Uncover, Learn, Search, Explain.  Prepare for the conversation: invite the right people.  Uncover the past circumstance.  Learn the significance of what we have done to set criteria for the future.  Search the possibilities for the use of the Frame beyond mediation and conflict resolution.  Explain a plan of action for the next five years.

The major question for me is not so much what we are doing but why?  What are we in the service of?  I know this kind of question pops up for me as a result of my recent coach training and I like that.  Coaching helps you integrate your feelings and sensations with your thoughts and I find myself “self-coaching” with the Frame more often now. Back to the question of service.  PULSE serves to help People Use Language Skills Effectively.  PULSE serves many purposes and changes many lives.

PULSE needs a celebration and that is what we are going to have.  Come to Vancouver in 2011.  Enjoy the PULSE of a great city and help us define the PULSE of PULSE.  Where do we go from here?

The posts are adding up.  I sometimes go back and read over the ones about the BEACHs as I work to complete the BEACHs book.

Today we outlined a possibility for a PULSE Conference this summer in Vancouver.  I love the idea of gathering together PULSE folks from around the world to share.  Austin Gamey from Africa; Maria Hegarty from Ireland; Lynda Mann and Shalom Staub from the US.  Add to that our Canadian experts like Mel Blitzer and Peter Snow and Steve Critchley and Marjorie Munroe and Lois MacNaughton we have quite a line up.  PULSE is used for more than just mediation and a conference would be a great way to showcase the various applications like mediation, negotiation and coaching.  We could also showcase the QuickHit webinars that Mel and I have been working on … 70 titles that apply PULSE to leadership and the military applications that Steve is working on and the Aboriginal Work that both Marjorie and Peter Snow are doing.  The work with agencies in the US Federal Governemnt is also very interesting and Lynda Mann is now spearheading that. Post Secondary institutions are benefiting from the work of Shalom Staub.

Internationally, Africa is abuzz and Austin Gamey has committed to coming to Vancouver for the event.  We also hope that Maria can make it from Ireland wher eth ePULSE 60 hour program was approved by the Mediation Institute of Ireland.

The conference will be held August 15th to 19th in Vancouver.  Mark the dates and plan to attend.  We are looking forward to gathering all of the PULSE followers together so that you can meet each other and learn from each other.  POWER listening, listening with HEART and lots of Gentle, Honest Open Specific Talk.

The detailed program will be available on our new website soon.  Mornings will be an opportunity to learn about PULSE in the World and here in Canada from our guests.  After coffee a chance to renew our knowledge and commitment to the PULSE Frame as we go through the elements of the Tetrahedron – the  3D Complex  Frame.  The afternoon will be dedicated to practicing the Frame and the skills with coaches.  We will have practice sessions for mediation, negotiation, coaching, performance management and other leadership conversations.

If you have other ideas about what a conference on People Using Language Skills Effectively might include please contact us at www.pulseinstitute.com

Thanks, Nancy…

I had the pleasure of sitting through a fundraising dinner last night here in Calgary where Rick Mercer was the speaker.  I laughed so hard.  He is a great Canadian and  Newfoundlander.  His way of making fun of people or allowing them to make fools of themselves is interesting and I am sure some find it offensive.  You have to know enough about what he is talking about to call bull on him.  I was disappointed that he didn’t talk about the election. He probably knew better than to do that in Calgary where politics is not really up for discussion.  It is a for gone Conservative conclusion.  I do miss REAL debate amongst people on real issues.  I am hoping that the Vote Compass thing on CBC is going to get people to really talk about the issues, to really consider what their stand is and how it compares with the parties.  I am really disappointed by the name calling and the insinuations that parties make about each other.  Gilles is the only one who just says it like it is. “Stephen Harper is a liar” according to him. Canadians are so tired of the accusations and the direct hits they are making on each other.  There used to be more subtilty and more finesse. Some of the clips that Mercer showed last night were more engaging.  They showed politicians being real and makign fun of themselves.  That was fun.  They were using language in a way that we seem to have given up during the election time. I would love to get back to the days of true debate and a consideration of the people of Canada as real participants in this debate.   Just give us policies that we can examine.  Let us make up our mind.  If only we could get the PRESS to be neutral in this.  If only…..

I love elections.  They are a joy to me.  They represent a time when democracy is truly alive.  Fortunes change on a turn of a phrase and no one really knows how or when someone will say or do something that will shift popular vote.  It is so much fun to watch as the interpretations and the strategies emerge.

The press are incorrigible.  In the service of the people of Canada they PRESS for answers to questions that they image people to be wondering about.  They are indeed the fifth estate at a time of election and they truly hold a certain balance of power.  Media chooses what message to emphasize, which clip to show first and what part of the speech becomes the clip.  They are the ones who mold the images of the leaders to news worthy, controversial or confrontational pieces that will create NEWS.

I like Elizabeth May’s idea of creating a space for agreement.  I am not sure if the PRESS or the Parties will participate but what if they did?  What if we could generate some agreement and understanding on issues of import to Canadians without jeopardizing the Party stand or platform.  What if candidates could show Canadians that there are points of agreement on criteria for a better future?  What a revolution that would be.

Yahoo! I’m back in Calgary. It is hard to believe how difficult it can be to travel when you are wounded. I’m happy to have that behind me.

The good parts of the trip are coming into focus. People are great. They help you when you need it. And my biggest lesson was asking for what I needed. I am so used to getting what I need myself or assuming that others would understand my needs and that asking would be rude that I did without some comforts that might have been readily available but I didn’t ask because I already was feeling the weight of my dependence on my friends. Even here at home I am loath to make too much of a fuss.

This is the ultimate test of relationship. Suddenly the rules and the roles change. In my pained state I couldn’t decide what to do and my friend admitted later that she was hesitating and second guessing herself because she wasn’t clear what I wanted. She knew how to behave when it was her husband but what to do with me was more complicated. We know now that everything worked out well and I am home safe and sound. The lessons are many and varied for everyone involved.

Hopefully I will be in a position this week to type some of the beaches book in for your scrutiny. I am thinking now about including something around the responses to sudden shifts in roles in relationship. What do you think?

I have been in the Washington area for a week now. I had a great opportunity to work with an agency here and Monday and Tuesday went well. Tuesday evening I slipped on stairs in a parkade. I was transported via ambulance to hospital and completely checked out before being discharged with bruises and painkillers. Five days later I am still very very sore. But on my way to recovery. An injury really changes your perspective on things. I had to depend on others completely for the last five days. My wonderful friends have been amazingly available to me and have made it possible for me to get what I need to begin the recovery. I am so grateful for their friendship and for the degree to which they have adjusted their lives to accommodate.

This next week I will be working with trainers so that they can become pulse trainers. It will be a little more casual and I should be able to work through the week sitting down.

Anyway I couldn’t really write this week but I could spend some time thinking and I am very pleased with the progress I made on the beaches book in Hawaii. I like the way it comes together as a way to describe the perspectives people have on the world using color coded beaches. I will begin to share pieces here once I am back in Alberta.

Thanks to everyone here who helped and to those who sent wishes. I’ll be back soon.

Let me apologize for the brief post last time.  I was working on the ipad and the letters did not appear as I typed so I really couldn’t tell what I was writing.  I am such a bad ytpist  that I didn’t want to post something I hadn’t read over so you just got one sentence.  Sorry.

Day 5 in Kauai.  There was rain storm earlier but it looks like there is a possibility that it will clear so that we can have another BEACH day today on the south shore. And then to Roy’s for dinner.  I love Roy’s.  The food is always good.

I have been writing and have made progress on Perfection BEACH.  It is not complete yet because of course it has to be PERFECT.  And there are a few distractions here, like the pool and the scenary and the people and the food and teh wine.  It is beautiful.  We met a photographer who was selling his amazing shots of the Island.  I wish he had been around to catch the rainbow I saw on Monday.  It started and ended in the water and had a very low arch.  It was gorgeous.