Nancy Love’s Weblog

Those who dwell on the Detachment BEACH are sometimes referred to as Masterful Hermits (Reynolds, 2007).  They have the influence of immigrants from the Power BEACH which usually shows up as a positive when Masterful Hermits take up a cause and move it forward.  They also have the influence of immigration from the Excitement BEACH usually, but not always as a negative when Masterful Hermits adopt addictive joy seeking behaviours and become chaotic and scattered in their thinking.

The residents of Detachment BEACH;

1. Believe that time spent alone in thought is time well spent

2. Expect others to give them space

3.  Assume that other people ought to be as brilliant as they are

4.  Concern themselves with finding solutions to complex problems

5. Hope to devote themselves to study and research rather than conversation

Masterful Hermits can be stingy with their words and their emotions.  They are the intraverted thinkers.

The concept of using what we know about the Enneagram and the sub-cultures identified on each of the 40 degrees of perspective to identify voters and voting patterns is a new challenge for me.  It is a twist on my new book where I identify nine cultures using an ethnographic structure to describe the cultures and subcultures of the nine BEACHs (sets of Beliefs, Expectations, Assumptions, Concerns and Hopes)

1. Perfection BEACH

2. Connection BEACH

3. Success BEACH

4. Differentiation BEACH

5. Detachment BEACH

6. Security BEACH

7. Excitement BEACH

8. Power BEACH

9. Peace BEACH

The names of the beachs suggest what each will be seeking and wouldn’t it be fun to examine more closely how each might approach an issue.  Over the next while I will attempt to do just that.

It has been more than a year since I first started blogging here.  That is hard to believe.  I am disappointed with myself for the apparent lack of commitment to the writing.  It has been more difficult than I knew to keep attention focused here.  I applaud those of you who are more diligent and disciplined than I about siting down and typing in thoughts.  I still move toward writing with my pen.  It is more natural and comfortable to me.  Maybe I should just hire someone to take my journal and type it in.  Somehow that doesn’t seem appropriate.

I do have a renewed interest in blogging sparked by the threat of another election.  I really want to talk about political talk and political conversation and the righteousness and ‘wrong’eousness that is so apparentthere.  Politicians are always telling us what they think and they give lip service to listening.  I have only ever seen one politician really listen and respond in a way that gave evidence of having listened.  The rest are often in defense mode, defending their view or their parties view.  My thoughts on this up coming election when ever it occurs is that we actually insist that politicians take a breathe between asking a question of us and then answering it themselves.  Take a breathe, listen with both ears and then show us they were listening by acknowledging our emotion and identifying OUR criteria for a better future BEFORE they share their with us.  Smart politicians will see the connections and the common ground and build from there.  I would propose a change in approach to politics in general.  Politics is a conversation.  If politics is only confrontation then no one wins.  If it is a conversation the potential exists for everyone to win.

I think in this election we should all promote a different kind of political conversation.  Politicians would be well served if they could stop and learn the simple Conversation Frame that I have discovered.  It  has five guiding questions and five guiding principles.

First the principles:  We ask people to speak so the other can hear, in a gentle way.  We ask them to be honest and say what they are thinking, in a gentle way.  We ask them to be open to what is being said and allow it to influence their point of view.  We remind them that acknowledging or understanding is not the same as agreeing.  We ask them to be specific and use examples for clarity and we ask them to commit to a time to talk that will not include walk aways or power plays.

GHOST – Gentle, Honest, Open, Specific Talk

The guiding questions:

1.  How will the conversation proceed?  Here we Prepare for the conversation by setting the principles and purpose, the level of confidentiality and the time frame.

2. What is the conversation about?  Here we Uncover the topic for the conversation so that everyone is clear and so that if it goes off topic we know.

3. What about this topic is important to the participants? Why is it significant?  Here we Learn what’s missing, the criteria for a better future, the beliefs, expectations, assumptions, concerns and hopes, the values that we hold that are different and those that are the same.  The skilled conversationalist can learn to re-frame the negatives to the positives and locate the common ground.

4. What are our options moving forward?  Here we Search the possibilities.  What could we do given our differences and our shared values? This is where the LUNCH identification plan surfaces –Liberal, Undecided, ND, Conservative, Hostile.

5. What are we committed to do moving forward?  Here we Explain a plan of action, next steps.  That could be to call again or to visit the office or to show up on e-day.

Prepare, Uncover, Learn, Search, Explain = PULSE

I have seen this conversation work again and again in hostile situations and I know that with a little bit of training we can make a difference in the way that people speak and listen to each other.  Improving the quality of the conversation we have with voters will improve our chances of  engaging people in the process, changing their minds and perhaps even changing their votes.

I am re-energized by the possibility of approaching things with a new lens on the camera.  Looking through the old one meant seeing people with different views as broken, needing to be fixed.  This new lens shows us that these fellow voters are people with unique AND shared values. Getting curious about their beliefs, expectation, assumptions, concerns and hopes and where the shared values are is key.  It is counter-intuitive and essential if politics is to truly become a conversation.  When we talk together, the future becomes obvious.  Let’s begin the conversation for our future Canada.

I am home today but  in meetings .  Friday was like that and although I technically have time at home to write, life has been busy.  It is again funny how intention doesn’t match the act.

Tomorrow I will get back to writing about the BEACHs.  I am still jazzed about doing that.  I am having a difficult time imagining how things have become so busy again in such a short period of time.  I was talking to a PULSE Professional on Monday about how things are working  and what I am working on and his line rung true…. “Changing behaviour at the speed of conversation.”  That’s what we do.  Responding to what is said and done and experienced in conversation takes skill and practice.  The more we practice the better.

And some days that is easier to do than others.  I have found it difficult to approach conversations in a deliberate way partly because the conversations are changing the focus of my life and my work.  Time to focus again, to ground myself on the Detachment BEACH and become the contemplative me.  I just need to find the energy for the transition… More tomorrow.

Creative Seekers live on Differentiation BEACH.  They ..

1. Believe that they are the only special person.

2. Expect that others will let them do their own thing and recognize their unique needs and contributions

3. Assume that everyone else has to follow the rules

4. Are Concerned about aesthetics and being different, no matter what

5. Hope that their creativity will make the world prettier.

Creative Seekers take energy from being sad and burdened.  They are often melancholy, wishing for a different present that is based on a different past… If only….  They are artists who turn pain and suffering into creative works when they are healthy and can be reclusive and depressed when they are not.  Creative Seekers add beauty to the world even as they recreate them selves and their appearances each day.

On Connection BEACH everyone helps each other.  There is a strong sense of team and belonging.  When the weather is good love and friendship abound.  When the wind changes there is a sense of foreboding as Love’s strings attach to every act.  People who live on Connection BEACH

1. Believe that helping others is the most important thing that they can do.

2. Expect that others will acknowledge their contribution and return the love.

3. Assume that everyone has something to offer and may just need a little help from them to reach their full potential.

4. Concern themselves with other people’s business often to the neglect of their own needs.

5. Hope that you will always need them.

Ambiguityis my friend.  I live there as we all do.  The gift is knowing that ambiguity is your friend.  Certainty gets you just that … certainty … or disappointment when the certainty turns out to be ambiguous.

Mediations are the kind of conversations that rely on ambiguity and in fact as a mediator it is my job to create an ambiguous past, present and future that can be reconstructed as positive.  Doubts, questions and information are my friend.

Ambiguity is also my friend as I write.  Not knowing is liberating what you don’t can bring confidence to the writer.  Knowing what you don’t know brings curiousity.  Knowing what you know brings the courage to say it so it can be tested and you can learn as others contribute to your knowing.

Ambiguity is not to be confused with ambivalence.  Ambivalence has a tone of disinterest whereas ambiguity is more about living comfortably in a place of not knowing.  For me it is comfortable.  For others it is madness to be comfortable not knowing.  For me it is opportunity and anticipation and for others it is unsafe and unnecessarily risky.

Ambiguity is my friend and so when I am asked what I know for sure I am confident with a response like “nothing”  or “42”  for you Douglas Adams fans.

Today we all moved our lives forward, toward our goals and toward the end.  Today we loved, lived, laughed and left our legacy.  Today we are involved in our lives making choices even if that means choosing not to choose which of course is also a choice.  We have two days – today and tomorrow.  Today we do what we can to get ourselves ready for tomorrow.

And, as we have often been told, tomorrow never comes.  It is illusive.  We are anticpating tomorrow ever day, waiting to see what it will bring and how it will work out and in the meantime we waste the time we have today to get AROUND to doing what we want to do tomorrow.  Now is all we have.

So tomorrow I am going to Canmore to write.  I am excited and looking forward to the opportunity to spend time in quiet contemplation and creativity.  I feel a little like a kid in the candy store.  There is so much writing to choose from.  I have started so many projects that need my undivided attention for  a day or so.  How do I choose?

I could work on the PULSE BEACHS – the Frames of Reference that people  use in a conversation.  I have many thoughts on the BEACHs that I would like to share.  I would write about each of them in turn – Perfection, Connection, Success, Differentiation, Detachment, Security, Excitement, Power, Peace and what the world looks like from this perspective where people are motivated by these and are seeking to satisfy a need.  Not everyone is on the BEACH for the same reason and the weather can change depending on the strength of the motivation and  the purpose.  Deconstructing the BEACHs would be a labour of love and I will get around to it …. tomorrow.

I could write more about the complex PULSE, the foundational theory that makes PULSE work.  I am excited by the images of floating triangles and tetrahedron and sharing my insight on why conversations move through the Frame to sustainable resolution in such a consistent way.

I could write about Principals leading mandated change.  The stories of five principals is coming together nicely and needs a finishing touch and an edit to pull it all together.  It would be nice to get that one to press.

I could work on the leadership catalogue that we have been working on so that I will have it to take with me to DC next week.  It is an exciting project, pulse – ifying the delivery of awesome materials related to leadership from many sources.  The catalogue has nine categories of leadership skill developing seminars that will be available as one hour web-casts.

I could work on a white paper to show the use of the PULSE Frame for the regeneration of my favourite federal political party.  I would love to have the time to devote to an explanation of my BIG IDEA for bringing a party from the ashes to its former glory and beyond.

I could write about the skills that power the PULSE Frame.  I have always wanted to spend quality time explaining in more detail each of the twenty skills that PULSE Practitioners use to guide the conversation.  Examining the work of the delta during the PULSE conversation would give everyone more insight into how it all works.

I could do an in depth look at the six freedoms that the PULSE Frame is described and constructed to release for people.  I want to examine the freedom to choose from the past; to act in the present and to dream of a future together.  I want to understand how people experience being known in community, being heard and being positive and how the skills of the delta encourage the sense of freedom that liberates people to make better decisions together then they might apart  becuase they own them.

I could write about a PULSE Plan and how to arrive at it.  I could expound on each of the five pieces of the PULSE Frame.   I could do so many things and I know that I must choose.  There are just not enough hours in either today or tomorrow to get it all done.

Today we can only move one day closer to reaching the goals, forward toward the end, deliberately choosing to act and to dream, to be known and heard and to be positive.  Life is a PULSE Conversation.