Nancy Love’s Weblog

Today was my first day back at PULSE.  I have been on sabbatical working with Parks Canada for a year now.  It was different not to rise at 5 am and be at work in downtown Calgary by 7am, taking meetings with people in the east who were musch wider awake than you.  It was different to have time in my day to think about what I might do the rest of this week and next and for the rest of my life.  It is liberating and frightening all at the same time.  It seems that in my life that is often the case.  I am most frightened when I am most free.

I had meetings today to reestablish PULSE connections and redefine relationships.  It was very nice to be back.

A question that arose while we were chatting this morning was around a definition for a PULSE professional.  I have said before that my goal now is to serve those who have had PULSE training and would like some individual or team coaching on how to use this valuable and universal tool for conversations.  But what does it mean to be a PULSE professional?  When I say that or when I hear it the meaning I attribute relates to a set of attitudes, skills and knowledge that together mean you can calm a room just by entering it.  If you are dealing with a PULSE professional you are dealing with someone who understands the dynamics of human behaviour in a way that makes them skillful in leading conversations for sustainable change.  It is the sociological approach to defining behaviours and how to change them for positive changes that makes PULSE different.  If you are a mediator and not a PULSE Professional you will have a different sense of what is necessary in a conversation for everyone to feel honoured and for outcomes or plans of actions to be sustainable.  If you are a coach and not a PULSE professional your coach approach may lack the wisdom that comes from familiarity with the D.O. points, the sociological construct that defines and explains and can predict the human response in conversation.  If you work with people and your methods include words and conversation and you are a PULSE professional you see the conversation differently and you understand the essential elements of quality conversations for change.

I noticed this in my work with Parks.  I could calm a room just by walking in.  I could calm a client in very short time no the phone.  It was not just the attitude because a caring attitude without the knowledge or confidence to help will not have the same calming effect.  It was not just the skills because alone skills are missing the necessary compassion.  It was not the knowledge of theory alone.  Theory informs everything PULSE including the practice but with only the knowledge of how good conversations work and not the appreciative attitude or the  skillful use of language the impact is reduced.  the right combination of Attitude, Skills and Knowledge creates PULSE Professionals.  They are people who listen well, assess the situation well, know what to do and how to do it and who lead people to new decisions everyday with gentle, honest, open, specific talk.

I created a poll on linked in about PULSE professionals.  It is in a group Marjorie and I started a long time ago for PULSE Professionals.  If you have PULSE training or you are interested in what makes someone a PULSE professional please join the group and enter the dialog with us.  Help us build the definition.

And by the way… I am looking for work.

So I am transitioning back to my life as a consultant in the next couple of weeks.  It really never ended.  I just had one boss instead of many for the last year.  My work is still about being a conflict resources for people and helping them in and out of conflict which ever is appropriate.

I am looking forward to being back out there.  And as Randy Bachman has been heard to say …” When the curtain comes down and I looking for work again.”  He might say “unemployed”   I don’t think he is and neither am I.  AND I will be looking for work.

What can I do?  Many things.  I can consult and coach and train and mediate and facilitate and I can do all of them quite well.  Lots of experience from which I have learned what not to do as well as what to do, allows me to say that with confidence.  I am good at what I do.

I can also write and I will continue to create information in the written form.  It is my way of  sharing with others that which I have learned from them.  There are a number of writing projects in the hopper that will definitely keep me busy if not employed in the short term.

What would I like to do?  Help people.  If my expertise in managing relationships, the space between two or more people, might help you… let me know.  I enjoy the contribution that occurs when my expertise fills a gap for someone else.  Passing on the how to of organizational health is important to me.  Why should anyone have to make the same mistakes I may have made?

Coaching, Consulting, Writing, Facilitating Conversations for Change.

What will I do?  I am open to the possibilities.

Thanks to all of you who commented on the trip North of 60.  no other blog has brought out the stories in others like that one did.  It got me thinking about how people connect with what others are experiencing.

Recently I was asked to renew my membership in ICF and the questions I had to answer included “What kind of coach are you?”  I wanted to pick a “A damn good one” but it wasn’t’ an option and neither was “Conflict Coach”.  It is a funny term any way. What is a conflict coach?  Someone who coaches you in and out of conflict?  I guess that’s right.  It is what I do.  When people don’t know what to do in a conflict situation I help them get into it and then out again.  Anyway the ICF doesn’t have it on the list of options for “What kind of coach are you?” So am I a business coach? a leadership coach? a relationship coach? hmmmm …

I am the kind of coach that helps you make a difference.  I am the kind of coach who encourages you to increase the likelihood of success in what ever you are striving to achieve.  I help you manage conflict, giving you skills and confidence to create a change in your world.

How does that sound?  I need some feedback here.

I also started an on line program … a pilot for coaches to be coached to improve their business.  I am so looking forward to working with Yvonne Silver.  She is helping me get clear about my coaching business which has evolved over this past year as I was on sabbatical from PULSE.  I like the format of the on line coaching pilot and I like that Yvonne and I both of chapters in an upcoming book – Stepping Stones for Success.  Watch for more information on that coming soon.

So as my term at PCA winds down and I begin to pick up the threads of PULSE watch for a level one training opportunity in May and more opportunities to engage me as a coach for your conflict situations.  If you need to get into conflict and don’t know how OR you are in it and need some help getting out give me a call. 1-888-882-8804 I’ll be available April 8th, 2013.

It’s hard to believe but here I am in Inuvik, Northwest Territories. Even better … I am close to Tuktoyuktuk. I taught Canadian geography for many years, sharing the arctic with students but never having actually been here. How lucky am I?? It takes seven hours north from Calgary through Edmonton, Yellowknife and Norman Wells to get here. Its as far or farther than Hawaii is west and Toronto is east of Calgary.

I am on the MacKenzie River near the Arctic Ocean. It’s another pinch me moment. The temperature is hovering around minus thirty. I am grateful for my new parka and long johns. The taxi driver who brought me from the airport was a great ambassador for the town. He’s been here twenty years. He says I should come back in the summer of course but that there is a laid back atmosphere that is comfortable for him. He is not interesting to returning to a city where people are always in a rush.

I can’t help but compare the people I have seen here with the wonderful people I work with in the Virgin Islands. These people are wearing more clothes but they are happy and relaxed and family oriented. The people in the restaurant last night were talking about everyday things that they accomplish in these extreme weather conditions.

Today I will get out and see more of the town when the sun comes up. Its 9 ish now and just starting to get light. More tomorrow.

Have you ever had your mind so full of things you could be doing that you cannot function.  I am already gone to the next thing the second that things get a little bit repetitive or boring.  I have changed offices and homes over the past month and I am exhausted.

Moving requires movement.  I feel physically tired and strained in every part of my body.  I feel emotionally taxed by all of the demands to relive the past as we sort through our belongings.  I feel intellectually challenged by the endless decision making that tires me to the bone.  Head, heart and body challenged, taxed and strained.

And yet there is this excitement in me about the possibilities that are opening because of the move.  I see a live that is simpler and free and warmer and fun.  I see a place for everything even if everything is not in place yet.  I see an organized deliberate life that uses the tools and stuff we have.  Get out the good dishes, the raclette, the good wine and scotch, the favourite clothes, the inspirational books.  Those things and experiences that have been hiding in the back of our closets or on the top shelve are so much more accessible after a move.  If only I had the energy and the time to truly enjoy them.  But wait!  I do!

Some times I have to remind myself that any situation you find yourself in is temporary.  You can slow it down or speed it up or change direction.  You are in the drivers seat.  Do what you can to make it work for you and watch how a shift in attitude changes things more quickly than anything else.

I am a busy person and I enjoy the business of busyness … some days more than others.

When you move you get to sort and select what you are taking and leaving behind.  Even when you spend weeks doing that before moving day you might get to the next place… the new home … and realize that you are still taking too much and not leaving enough behind.  At least that is what I have found.  I thought I had done a good job of sorting and selecting, of culling or pruning or what ever term you want to use for moving the things you don’t use or want onto their next owner. Once the dust settle in the new place, I found that I had brought too much stuff with me.

My Dad once said “Don’t keep stuff.  No one wants it when you are finished with it.”  He was about my age then and heading out in a motor home with my mum for what turned into a 4 or 5 year adventure in what Mum called “the tube”.  Dad was right about that and about many other things.  We have a room full of very good and valuable STUFF in our former home that will likely go to a garage sale … even after the children and other members of the family have been to visit and taken what they wanted.

This whole exercise has been exhausting.  Not just physically but emotionally and mentally too.  Last night I sat in my beautiful new condo like a zombie, unable to make one more decision about where something should go.  I know that I will regain my decision making ability at some point but I could sure use a break from it right now.  But we are no where near done.  We have completed Phases one and two of the downsize.  Phase three which is the “what to do with the rest” phase is just beginning.

I am going to have to add a phases four I think.  That will be when I finally get to sift through what ended up in the new place once more with the goal of sorting and selecting one more time what stays and what goes.  I am beginning to understand why people pay professionals to organize their stuff.  I don’t want to do that.  I am happy sifting and sorting when I have the time to consider each item and make good decisions and I will do that.  I find myself hoping for rainy Saturdays this spring so that I can enjoy without guilt the exercise of moving stuff on to their next owner.

Did I mention that most of my stuff is books?  One of the movers very accurately mentioned to me after I apologized for the number of heavy boxes I had packed for him to carry that they had this new invention now-a-days called a computer where you could buy and store and read books on a screen and they didn’t weigh anything. That reminded me of something my mother used to say “Knowledge doesn’t weigh anything.  You can carry it with you where-ever you go.”  She was right.  She often is.  I find that the books that provided you with the knowledge are hard to let go of.  I found myself wanting to read them all again.  Maybe I will or maybe I will find the courage to let them go with gratitude and respect and let them find their next owner.

Moving, especially downsizing or rightsizing makes you think about things differently.  Like most projects, there is a sense of satisfaction when you get it right.  AND there is a transfer of attitude and knowledge to other aspects and areas of your life.  I had the good fortune of two moves already in 2013.  My office moved from the 5th floor to the 13th floor and my new home is on the 13th floor on 13th avenue.  It is auspicious and it is the year of the snake.  I am a snake and snakes bring prosperity   We all need a little of that these days.  Gung hei fat choi!

Good thing I don’t have triskaidekaphobia.

I still would like to write a book about vicarious responsibility   Leaders are responsible for the work of their followers and yet experience that work vicarious. That becomes evident to me again and again as I work with groups of people who believe they know what is going on in their team because of what the team members are reporting.  The problem is that the languages might be different or the messages are interpreted differently and so there is a break down in understanding between what the employee reports and what the leader hears.  Part of that is because we hear what we are listening for and part is because employees often adjust their message to met the expectations of the leader.

A great leader knows many languages – past, present and future – and can interpret the messages in a variety of ways always checking for understanding.  That is important when you have vicarious responsibility. Interviewing for understanding when you are vicarious responsible for the actions of your team members is vital.  The questions need to be focused and direct and asked in the right dialect to insure a true read of the situation.  then as a leader you are expected to filter and package that message for your own leaders … See what I mean… there is a book in there somewhere.

Last week I had the opportunity to attend a session lead by Karen Dawson. the session left an impression with me that I still carry days later. That’s a good thing. I am still thinking about the things that Karen did and said to keep me in this state of wonder. One of the many insights she shared was that turning managers into leaders was tricky business. good leaders make us feel special. Think of a leader you admire in your life. How do you feel in his or her presence? How can you make others feel that way in your presence? That is the essence of leadership development. Karen says that you can increase the likelihood that someone will feel special in your presence by rehearsing your response to them. You cannot change how they feel but you can increase the likelihood that they will feel good by rehearsing and getting feedback on what it takes. Karen’s theatrical background influences her approach to leadership development. In theatre you rehearse and then you perform and then you rehearse and then you perform. Each performance is different and what makes it different is often the audience. What you do for one audience to engage them in the performance is not always what it takes to engage the next audience so adjust and adapt to give each audience what they need. So leaders need to rehearse and perform in the same kind of cycle to get better at building rapport and thereby increase the likelihood that people will feel special in their presence.

So that is what PULSE conversations do… they increase the likelihood of managers becoming leaders. PULSE Conversations are especially structured and deliberately set up to have everyone in the conversation feel heard and valued so that they can own the outcome. The combination of Appreciative Theory and mediation skills and an understanding of the sociology of the enneagram is the right recipe for successful conversations where everyone feels special. A leader using this structure can make each of their followers feel special and can secure their status as leader and not just manager.

There is a lot of literature on the differences between the two sets of skills – leadership and management. Managing the operation, the processes of the work and leading the people who are doing the work are elements of the positions we give to people in charge. Both are essential and both benefit from the relationship building built into the PULSE. If you Prepare for the conversation deliberately and you Uncover the past contributions, Learn the present priorities, Search the future possibilities and then Explain a mutually agreeable plan of action then people feel valued, appreciated, trusted, challenged, supported and special in your presence.