Nancy Love’s Weblog

Thank you to those who joined me on yesterdays webinar. The link to the recording will be posted on the events calendar at http://www.pulseinstitute.com or you can email me and I will send it to you.  I also added it to the bottom of this post for your convenience.

I spent a great deal of time thinking about how to address checklists on the broadcast. I wanted to touch on the history of checklists as a tool for people who do their work in conversation. Any agenda at any meeting is a checklist. The PULSE checklists where created to help people in difficult situations remember what needs to be addressed at any meeting or in any form of social exchange to ensure a sustainable outcome. AND it works. It is a proven and fast way to move through a conversation or an email or a novel.

I also wanted to talk about the reason that many people do not use checklists and why I have faced resistance from many of my participants on sticking to the script and the checklist especially when you are first learning how to do this work. Most people think that as a professional you SHOULD know how to do this. Their fear is that the clients will think they don’t know what they are doing. In fact the checklist will give the clients MORE confidence in you rather than LESS. That seems counterintuitive and yet it is true. Ask your clients. Would they rather have someone with the right tools do the job or someone who appears to be wining it?

The other thought that occurred to me as I prepared for the webinar was the result of a book I am reading. The Happiness Hypothesis, by Haidt, is a great book. So far I have learned that happiness = work + love. Of course Haidt’s theories are much more robust than one simple equation. The notion of coherence is explored with respect to cultures and religions and although I am clear that PULSE is neither of those it did occur to me that the PULSE Frame and the PULSE movement to create people with the courage to make a change and the confidence to make a difference, to create peaceful productive workplaces is coherent. What I mean by that is that you can start anywhere with PULSE and learn about it from that starting point. It is true to the values and skills and philosophy at every level. Based on Appreciative Inquiry it is curious rather than accusatory. Based on a Sociological Perspective it studies behaviour not psychology. Based on the conflict theory it uses the skills and the language of mediation to prevent and avoid the need for it.

If you begin with the checklist for example you will find the process, the protocol and the purpose for each of the many and varied situations where a PULSE Frame can be successfully applied to improve the likelihood of a sustainable outcome. Whether you are working with teams or one on one doesn’t really matter. The principals are the same. Using it as an operating system inside any organization leads to significant change on the people side, the so called soft skills side. That is why we promote it as a tool for anyone who does their work in conversation or through social exchange. If you are vicariously responsible for the work of others then this PULSE Frame can help you do your work faster and easier.

If you begin with a study of how people do their work in conversation you can get to PULSE. If you begin with how organizations and teams are structured you can also get to PULSE. Teams form. While forming they experience the Prepare stage. Knowing what questions need answering at the Prepare stage makes that forming easier and faster. Then teams become fractious. This is them Uncovering the title of their story, shedding the emotional attachments to a past that a skillful PULSE professional can negotiate with them. Then teams becoming working teams. Here they work with each other to develop a sense of shared values in the present. They Learn what their criteria for the future are. Then they perform. They are good at what they do. They understand their circumstances and their significance and now they Search for what’s also possible. Then teams reform with a new purpose or they wrap up and move on, Explaining what the next steps will be. The cycle of teams=Prepare, Uncover, Learn, Search, Explain. The cycle of organizations, the cycle of relationships, the cycle of social exchanges can all be represented by PULSE. Understanding the theory behind the checklist is crucial but, believe it or not, not necessary for you to use it successfully. That’s because it is coherent and elegant and effective. Try it. You can download a 30 page document with five kinds of PULSE scripts and checklists from our website or using the links below.

I could go on and on … and I tend to. Sorry. Suffice to say I am excited by what I know about how PULSE has worked in the past, the significance of it in the present and the endless field of possibilities for it in the future.

http://pulseinstitute.adobeconnect.com/p2jutzkylyg/ 40 minute braodcast – Checklists for Every Occassion

For 30 pages of PULSE checklists cut and paste the URL into your browser.

https://db.tt/5g65JCBv

PULSE is a stance.  When we say someone is PULSEIFIED we mean that they can hold a space for others to make decisions in, that they know how to be gentle AND honest and that they can guide a conversation through the emotion of the past through the significance in the present to the possibilities for the future.  PULSE professionals can open the field of the future to include more options and opportunities than otherwise were possible.  I love the appreciative stance and how it frees people to think creatively and to let go of the old stories they have built and held on to without much evidence for or against their version of things.

We are starting our first on-line training soon.  I am excited by the possibilities that it opens for us in the field of our future.  Here is another opportunity for people to learn how to manage social exchanges in a peaceful, productive way.   More relationships can be improved and the quality of decisions can increase as more people gain the attitudes, skills and knowledge for managing the space between us.  they will gain the courage to make a difference and the confidence to make a difference at their desks, using  their own computers.  Look at us using technology to teach about social exchanges that include digital encounters of the PULSE kind.

Lots of reasons to smile today….

Here is a copy of the PULSE Newslter. Some of you have subscribed on our website but many of you may not be familiar with it so I am nudging you there now.
http://www.pulseintitute.com

The PULSE Rate 2.0

Dear Nancy Love: Welcome to the February 2014 edition of the PULSE Rate! We are excited to annouce that we have begun redesigning the PULSE Professional program. Stay tuned in the coming months to learn how you can receive PULSE Professional certification and become an expert in Social Exchange™.

Upcoming Webinar

Please join me Tuesday, March 4, 2014 at 10:00am MST for a free 40 minute Webinar titled “PULSE in Review” an overview of the PULSE Frame and Five Stage Model. Below is a brief overview for those that have never used PULSE or for those that would like a refresher. Here is the direct link to the program … PULSE REVIEW

PULSE Five Stage Model – An Overview

Using Language skills effectively in conversation requires your attention and your intention to be deliberate and focused. The PULSE conversation has helped many people resolve differences by showing them when and where to apply the skills and structure so that sustainable outcomes can be assured. The PULSE Conversation Frame provides the structure for successful, effective conversations and social exchanges. It is a five stage process that Prepares people for the conversation by setting a purpose, process, and protocol. Parties then Uncover the circumstances from the past that precipitated the conversation and gave a title to “the story” by answering the question “What is to be decided or resolved?”. Parties speak directly to each other to Learn the significance of “the story” and use that information to set criteria for a sustainable future. Then they Search for options that will meet their criteria in a brainstorm session. Once options are identified that are feasible, doable and within the authority of the parties are chosen for consideration in the Explain stage where a detailed plan of action is generated by the parties. Each of the stages relies on the different skills of the PULSE professional to create a sense of comfort, to be courageous, curious, confident, and commited to the process and sustainable, balanced outcome.

Check out the PULSE Website today! You will find: PULSE

PULSE Professional Program Info
Blogs
Event Calendar
PULSE Professionals Database
Links to Twitter, Facebook and YouTube!

PULSEisms:100 Ways to Use PULSE
Below is a shortened list taken from one of our most popular blog posts (over 25,000 views!). You can read that blog post in its entirety by clicking the link below.

1. Conversations work best when ….
2.Gentle – so others can keep listening.
3. Honest – say what you are thinking…. in a gentle way.
4. You are not prepared to resolve or move on until you have said everything that is on your mind.
5. Be open to what is being said and allow it to influence you.
6. Use specific examples for clarity… a story, a picture, an image.
7. Sometimes people use the same word to mean two completely different things.
8. Keep talking until you find a resolution.
9. Gentle, Honest, Open, Specific, Talk
10. Listen with HEART. Deep listening works to acknowledge emotion and de-escalate.
11. Hush your own mind, body and heart. Be with the other person. Be curious.
12.Empathise. Walk a mile in their shoes. Ask yourself “What is it like to be them?” Feel for them.
13. Attend to what they are saying and what they are not saying.
14. Body language speaks when it changes.
15. Facial expressions never lie and are universal across cultures.
16. Reflect back what you see. Remain silent so that they can respond to how you
(they) look.
17. Trust that everyone is doing the best they can with what they know.
18. Trust to be trusted.
19. Hush, Empathise, Attend, Reflect and Trust = HEART – deep listening.
20. Earn yourself a hearing.
21. POWER listening gives evidence of having heard.
22. Paraphrase what you hear them saying.
23. Ask Open questions that hinge on what has been said.
24. WAIT – Why am I talking??
25. Let them finish.
26. Let them think about what you have said. Uninterrupted thinking is more
effective.
27. Empathise by noticing and stating the level of emotion that you see, hear or
experience.
28.“This has been difficult for you.”

Sochi has begun.  Vancouver is fading into the history books.

I was cleaning out some files today and came across a piece of paper with the The Jenn Heil Collection on it.  In Vancouver I bought a necklace with five rings designed by olympian Jenn Heil who is from Spruce Grove not far from here.  There are five different styles and sizes of rings attached to the necklace and each represents something different.  The first ring represents the dream.  It is a soft cloud like texture symbolizing the creation of a dream and it serves to hold that chains that the other rings drop from.

The second ring symbolizes focus.  It looks more like a tiny target representing the precise concentration required to hit the mark.  The third ring is a little bigger and it represents team.  It has a braided design that illustrates the power of many working together as a team.  The next one is a little larger still and represents courage.  It is thicker and stronger to represent the courage it takes to compete.  The last one is the largest.  It has a bubbly design meant to symbolize the feeling of joy that participation brings.

It takes all of these, a dream, focus, team, courage and joy, to create an olympian and an olympic games.  I wish those athletes competing in Sochi and their coaches the very best experience ever.  I also take off my hat to the organizers, the volunteers and the thousands of people who have contributed to these important games in a multitude of ways.

My heart is with the Canadians.  Go Canada go!

When we talk about life after death we are usually talking about our own experiences beyond this life.  Today for me this phrase has new meaning.  It is inviting me to consider what to do now that my mother has gone on. “Gone on” is a Newfoundland saying that my family has used forever. I like it. To me it means they might come back. Who knows if that is true. the after life is a mystery but experiences similar and shared by those who have come back from a near death experience do make you wonder.

Meanwhile back here in the earthly realm we struggle with creating a new normal that doesn’t include our loved one. It’s wierd. Right now its like she left on vacation except that she has left behind all of her expectations for us, reminders to sit up straight and to eat your vegetables and watch your weight and get an education and a good job. You never really are free of the voice in your head …. your mother’s voice.

SHIFT in this post mother world is a little different for me. I am not feeling Sharp or on top of things. I am feeling scattered and fuzzy headed. I am not necessarily Happy. In fact waves of deep sadness catch me unawares from time to time. I am not feeling Independent. I have depended heavily on friends and family in the past week and will continue to for a while. I am not feeling Fit. I have not exercised or eaten properly lately. Although my mother believed in a higher power, I am not feeling Trusting. My world was turned upside down and I need time to understand the wisdom, the necessity of this event right now.

SHIFT happens both ways, up and down the knuckles. I am comforted by the base of understanding it provides in a suddenly unfamiliar place. I am comforted by the knowledge that I have been better and will be again … just not right now.

Thank you to everyone who has sent condolences and thoughts and prayers. I really do appreciate the support.

Last night I went on a Sunset Cruise down the Kona Coast. There was an historian and a guitar player on board. It was magical.

We went to the Captain Cook Monument and heard the story of how he was greeted by the natives and then, upon his return, stabbed and killed there by the same people. The wall behind the monument is full of caves that, legend has it, are full of the bones of the Alii or Royal family. It is a sacred place and as our boat quietly sat in the bay a school of dolphins joined us to play in the waters. It was very humbling and inspiring.

The swells were big last night and the waves were crashing into the lava cliffs all along the shore on the way back. The sun was setting and the wind came up so we donned our hoodies and watched the waters as we listened to the amazing guitar music of LT Smooth. Then a spout … no two …. and then a tail ….. no two … and then the most beautiful full breech of a whale I have ever seen only two or three hundred meters off of the starboard bow. EXCITING. Then the baby tried three or four times. It was awesome. What a show … and all to the stylized mellow songs of Neil Young and U2 and others. MAGICAL.

My friend Donna and I have been meaning to look up the significance of the call of the ocean. She had heard something about the health benefits of being by the sea related to negative ions. This morning I looked it up and found it interesting to learn of the effect on mood and health by the negative charges released by crashing waves and water falls etc. Negative ions are the antidote to free radicals. Who knew? No wonder. The sea calls us to heal us from our modern lifestyles. How nice.

I am fortunate to have been born by the sea and to have an opportunity each year to return to Hawaii for my dose of negative ions. In Alberta we have few places where waves crash or where water falls to create this mood enhancing phenomena. I am not sure how SNOW fits in. It is a form of water which is where the ions come from. Maybe there are also benefits as long as you venture out into it. What I know for sure is that there are a lot of Canadians here right now. In fact we ran into a couple I know from Calgary last night. It was one of those “OMG” moments.

All of us can benefit from water falling, even in the shower. Water can make us whole. It is the first medicine … inside and out. It improves all of our faculties and intelligences and enhances our well being on all of the scales. Use water to RENEW and SHIFT.