When we talk about life after death we are usually talking about our own experiences beyond this life.  Today for me this phrase has new meaning.  It is inviting me to consider what to do now that my mother has gone on. “Gone on” is a Newfoundland saying that my family has used forever. I like it. To me it means they might come back. Who knows if that is true. the after life is a mystery but experiences similar and shared by those who have come back from a near death experience do make you wonder.

Meanwhile back here in the earthly realm we struggle with creating a new normal that doesn’t include our loved one. It’s wierd. Right now its like she left on vacation except that she has left behind all of her expectations for us, reminders to sit up straight and to eat your vegetables and watch your weight and get an education and a good job. You never really are free of the voice in your head …. your mother’s voice.

SHIFT in this post mother world is a little different for me. I am not feeling Sharp or on top of things. I am feeling scattered and fuzzy headed. I am not necessarily Happy. In fact waves of deep sadness catch me unawares from time to time. I am not feeling Independent. I have depended heavily on friends and family in the past week and will continue to for a while. I am not feeling Fit. I have not exercised or eaten properly lately. Although my mother believed in a higher power, I am not feeling Trusting. My world was turned upside down and I need time to understand the wisdom, the necessity of this event right now.

SHIFT happens both ways, up and down the knuckles. I am comforted by the base of understanding it provides in a suddenly unfamiliar place. I am comforted by the knowledge that I have been better and will be again … just not right now.

Thank you to everyone who has sent condolences and thoughts and prayers. I really do appreciate the support.

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