Nancy Love’s Weblog

When I first starting thinking about Checklists I associated them with routine and ritual.  Now I know that the reason you have a checklist is because something is NOT routine and you do not have a ritual that matches it.  Checklists are for those things that are not natural.  They are best used to guide you through processes that are counterintuitive like the PULSE Frame.

This week on Friday I will be presenting a free webinar on Checklists and the different applications for PULSE.  I have been thinking a lot about the way that I use PULSE and how often I can use it to analyze what went wrong in a social exchange.  What did I forget to say or do that I might have got had I been deliberately using my checklist?  It is always there.  Someone tells someone something from a conversation that I believed to be confidential.  Not having spelled that out ( “I would like to keep this confidential until I talk to so and so.”),  the other person shared the information with so and so who then made assumptions which he acted on and the inevitable confusion around miscommunication and interpreted intentions ensued.

With something as simple as the PULSE Frame, something I am sooo familiar with, I thought I could wing it.  I wasn’t even consciously using my mental checklist.  The thing to remember is that although PULSE is simple and easy to use, it is also complex and deliberate.  If you  miss something you are in danger of creating more conflict rather than avoiding or mitigating it.  If you want to keep people in the Green Zone, the friendly zone where relationships are enhanced then take my advice and USE THE CHECKLIST.

It is not always important in every social exchange to state the purpose, protocol and process. BUT you should at least think about why or why not you are doing those things.  It is not always important to STATE the five guiding questions but you should have answers for all of them before you complete your exchange.  Follow the formula to get sustainable results.  When you don’t get sustainable results you can usually trace it back to a missed piece of information or question.  Press rewind and try again.  This time USE the Checklist.

Here are two versions.  One for a two-way conversation and one for a three-way with an intervener guiding the exchange.  Make them work for you.  They represent a fast and proven method to get sustainable outcomes form any social exchange.

© 2008 Dr. Nancy Love of the PULSE Institute
PULSE Two-Way Conversation Checklist
PREPARE FOR THE PROCESS: “How will the conversation proceed?”
(10 minutes)
􀂆 Set the Tone and describe the Purpose.
􀂆 Describe the Process:
􀂆 Establish Protocol: GHOST.
􀂆 Establish Confidentiality (audience).
􀂆 Confirm Authority.
􀂆 Roles.
􀂆 Confirm Time (1-2 hours).
􀂆 Transition: “Are you ready to proceed?”

UNCOVER THE CIRCUMSTANCES FROM THE PAST: “What are we here to resolve?”
(10-15 minutes)
􀂆 Ask: “What are you here to resolve today?”
􀂆 Listen. NO NOTES.
􀂆 Acknowledge. “Thank you”.
􀂆 State what you are here to resolve.
􀂆 Reframe to Neutral Title for the conversation.
􀂆 Confirm and write circumstance on chart:
􀂆 Remind the other party that circumstances can be added.
􀂆 Transition: “Now is our opportunity to learn from each other.”

LEARN THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES IN THE PRESENT:
“What’s important to us about the situation?”
(20-30 minutes)
􀂆 Remind of the GHOST protocol.
􀂆 Ask: “What is important to you about …”
􀂆 Listen. NOTES.
􀂆 Trust in the process.
􀂆 Talk Gently, Honestly, Openly and Specifically: “What is important to me is…”
􀂆 Support Conciliatory Gestures when left unnoticed by the other party.
􀂆 Reframe – BEACH (Beliefs, Expectations, Assumptions, Concerns, Hopes)
􀂆 Confirm and write on chart:
􀂆 Summary Goal Statement: “Given that…”
􀂆 Transition: “Our opportunity now is to generate options that would meet the criteria and
resolve the circumstance.”
SEARCH POSSIBILITIES FOR THE FUTURE: “What could we do?”
(10-15 minutes)
􀂆 Ask “What could we do? 10-12 options work best”.
􀂆 Stand at chart and Listen.
􀂆 Reframe all Options as positive verb phrases in scattered bubbles.
􀂆 Offer positive actionable ideas.
􀂆 Check Options against Criteria: “Do these options meet our criteria?”
􀂆 Check for feasibility and authority: “I’ll circle those that are feasible, doable and within our
authority for further consideration.”
􀂆 Transition: At the chart “Now I will act as scribe as we agree on the contents of the plan for
the future.”
EXPLAIN THE PLAN FOR THE FUTURE: “What do we agree do?”
(10-15 minutes)
􀂆 Ask “What would we like the plan to say?”
􀂆 Listen.
􀂆 Scribe detailed behaviourally specific circumstances: “Who agrees to do what by when?
How?”
􀂆 Confirm the plan by reading it out loud.
􀂆 Confirm Commitment to the plan: “What if expectations in the plan are not met?”

CLOSING:
􀂆 Review the Purpose.
􀂆 Review the Process (PULSE).
􀂆 Review Protocol.
􀂆 Tear up the notes to confirm CONFIDENTIALITY. “Does anyone else need to see the plan?”
􀂆 Confirm feasibility and Authority to implement the plan.
􀂆 Roles: Invite the opportunity to use the protocol and the PULSE process to deal with other
circumstances that may arise between you.
􀂆 Conclusion: “Thank you.”

PULSE Three-Way Conversation Checklist
PREPARE FOR THE PROCESS: “How will this conversation proceed?”
CONVERSATION MAP: Δ talks to the Parties (10 minutes)
􀂆 Set the Tone and describe the Purpose.
􀂆 Describe the Process:
􀂆 Establish Protocol: GHOST.
􀂆 Establish Confidentiality (audience).
􀂆 Confirm Authority.
􀂆 Describe Roles for Δ and participants.
􀂆 Confirm Time (1-2 hours).
􀂆 Transition: “Are you ready to proceed?”
UNCOVER THE CIRCUMSTANCES FROM THE PAST: “What are you here to resolve?”
CONVERSATION MAP: Parties talk one at a time to the Δ. (10-15 minutes)
􀂆 Ask: “What are you here to resolve today?”
􀂆 Listen. Look at the speaker. NO NOTES.
􀂆 Acknowledge after each party speaks: “Thank you”.
􀂆 Listen.
􀂆 Reframe to Neutral Title for the conversation.
􀂆 Confirm and write circumstance on chart:
􀂆 Remind Parties that circumstances can be added.
􀂆 Transition: At the chart “Now you will have an opportunity to speak directly to each other.”
LEARN THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES IN THE PRESENT:
“What’s important to you about the situation?”
CONVERSATION MAP: Δ Listens for criteria. Parties talk to each other. (20-30 minutes)
􀂆 Remind parties of GHOST protocol.
􀂆 Invite the Parties to Speak to each Other: “Tell each other what is important to you about …”
􀂆 Listen. Look at the listener. WAIT 10 minutes. NOTES
􀂆 Trust in the process. WAIT. Let them talk.
􀂆 Support Conciliatory Gestures when left unnoticed by the other party.
􀂆 Reframe – BEACH (Beliefs, Expectations, Assumptions, Concerns, Hopes)
􀂆 Confirm and write on chart:
􀂆 Summary Goal Statement: “Given that…”
􀂆 Transition: At the chart “Your opportunity now is to generate options that would meet the
criteria and resolve the circumstance.”
SEARCH POSSIBILITIES FOR THE FUTURE: “What could you do?”
CONVERSATION MAP: Parties speak to Δ, Δ acts as scribe. (10-15 minutes)
􀂆 Ask “What could you do? 10-12 options work best”.
􀂆 Stand at chart and Listen.
􀂆 Reframe all Options as positive verb phrases in scattered bubbles.
􀂆 Listen. Say nothing – WAIT.
􀂆 Check Options against Criteria: “Do these options meet your criteria?”
􀂆 Check for feasibility and authority: “I’ll circle those that are feasible, doable and within your
authority for further consideration.”
􀂆 Transition: At the chart “Now I will act as scribe as you dictate to me the contents of your
plan for the future.”
EXPLAIN THE PLAN FOR THE FUTURE: “What do you agree do?”
CONVERSATION MAP: Parties dictate to the Δ what to write in THE PLAN (10-15 minutes)
􀂆 Ask “What would you like the plan to say?”
􀂆 Listen.
􀂆 Scribe detailed behaviourally specific circumstances: “Who agrees to do what by when?
How?”
􀂆 Confirm the plan by reading it out loud.
􀂆 Confirm Commitment to the plan: “What if expectations in the plan are not met?”
CLOSING:
􀂆 Review the Purpose.
􀂆 Review the Process (PULSE). Stand at the chart.
􀂆 Review Protocol.
􀂆 Tear up the notes to confirm CONFIDENTIALITY. “Does anyone else need to see the plan?”
􀂆 Confirm feasibility and Authority to implement the plan.
􀂆 Roles: Invite parties to use the protocol and the PULSE process to deal with other
circumstances that may arise between them.
􀂆 Conclusion: “Thank you.”

Join us at 10:00 MST on Friday April 4th for a forty minute free webinar to learn more.