It has been more than a year since I have visited this place.  I am sorry.  I can’t make excuses because there are none.  there are probably reasons why blogging has moved down on my list of things to do.  I have turned inward and although not many people actually read these blog posts I just needed some time to mourn the loss of one of my biggest fans … my dad.  My stats will be down for sure.

It’s difficult becoming an orphan.  I don’t think it matters how old you are or where you are in your own life cycle, losing the pole who have known you for your entire life is like losing a piece of yourself.  There is no one left who knows my whole story.  Know one who can correct my thinking or tell me to sit up straight or just get on with it. And so I wallow.

I notice myself driving through Calgary and bursting into tears not because I miss it but because mum and dad and my dear friend Fay are so much apart of the life I lived there and they are all gone now.  Who will I reminisce with.  That happened in Vancouver earlier this year as I sat in the restaurant at the base of the building I lived in there and wondered about the renters and I cried because I missed my dishes.  It wasn’t really the dishes I missed but the days of walking back and forth to the bay to select just the right pieces for the apartment and hauling everything back in my little grocery bag on wheels and the pride I took in making it perfect.  Now it is perfectly set up for strangers to enjoy.  Not me.

I am at the lake house again this summer.  It represents a fresh start in some ways and yet memories of Dad are still here.  I am working from home for Parks Canada again in this 150th anniversary year and my fierce canadian pride is satisfied by this contribution.  I bought a boat with friends who live near by this week.  I am looking forward to spending time on the water.  That is bittersweet as well.  Dad so wanted to be on the lake last year but we just couldn’t make it happen.

Anyway I am sorry I have been away and I can’t even promise that I will be back tomorrow but if I am I will work on something extra special… excerpts from the new book perhaps.  I am editing it.  the order was all wrong and changing the order means a serious edit that could even be classified as a rewrite.  Maybe we can share that journey together and I will release each chapter to you as I finish the next draft of it.  I will ask you not to share it too widely.  At some point I do want to publish it and make a little money … compensation for 7 or 8 years of having it occupy a good sized section of my brain.

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